One of the many reasons we decided to homeschool was to cover a lot of the basics we feel education is lacking these days. A benefit of bringing her home is that we’ve had an amazing opportunity to reinforce our values as a family and to encourage her to find friends who share those values. Being locked away in a school for eight hours each day is akin to being tossed into an emotional lion’s den and my sensitive child was emotionally destroyed daily only to be revived each evening and sent back in the fray. Sadly, she picked up some not-so-charming habits that she felt – and rightly so – were critical for her social survival. In many ways, having young parents were a further detriment as Jason and I had Drue before we were fully formed adults. So, she’s watched us struggle with our own values and beliefs during her childhood. Rather than teach her our beliefs, we’ve vacillated between what we want verses what is right verses what we believe and Drue was left with a decent sense of right and wrong but no strong foundation to support her as she grappled with the “mean” kids. Add to that a sweet nature, a sensitive heart and a determination to mature at her pace rather than society’s and you have a child walking around figuratively carrying a “Yes, please bully me!” sign. And while I am pleased in some ways that Drue stood up to the little bitches mean girls for herself and her friends, I was not thrilled that the standing up process involved hitting someone.
Since bringing Drue home, we’ve had many occasions to discuss our values at a micro level aka who we are or want to be as people as well as at a macro level including how we can contribute to those areas or things we feel passionate about. It is one thing to say we practice environmentally friendly habits or that we want to reduce waste in the oceans and save our fish and marine mammal friends and something else entirely to do something about what we believe in. Having a child in school plus the so-called “normal” suburbia afternoon and weekend activities leaves little time for quiet thought, discussion and reflection much less time to actually put all those thoughts and decisions into action. I get that. However, now that we homeschool Drue, we actually have a lot of control over Drue’s time (and ours) and, with permission to walk off the beaten path, Drue has found friends who nurture and support her as a person and respect her values, even if they don’t share them. And Jason and I have the freedom over the course of an entire day to spend the time with Drue to help her meet her goals as well as further define our values as individuals and as a family and put those values into action instead of trying to jam them down her throat for a few hours each night and in-between rounds of soccer games each weekend. It’s very win-win.
Now don’t get me wrong, this is a process and I certainly am not the absolute authority on defining and living your values. But I relish the time I have with Drue to get to know her as this amazing, evolving young person and for her to see me as what I am – a functioning adult, grappling with my own evolving thoughts, ideals, goals and values – and having the time, energy and inclination to put those thoughts, ideas, goals and values into practice. And I am so thankful we have the time and energy to live the life we want as opposed to cramming it in around the time schedule dictated by living a s0-called “normal life”. Early in the homeschool process, I rolled my eyes at the thought of someone homeschooling for religious reasons. But really, is that any different than what we are doing here? Sure, instead of promoting bible studies and ensuring Drue has additional time for church and fellowship, we promote marine internships, additional study in science and math and ensure Drue has additional time to be in and on the water but regardless of where we place our time value, are we really different from any other family who decides to homeschool, regardless of the reason or religious intent?
I think it is merely a question of values and for our family, we value our time, our passions and Drue’s education too much to confine her or ourselves to the standards of the norm. Our biggest challenge this year is to recognize that homeschool is merely one smart step on the long journey of our lives and not the be-all, end all goal and to ensure the process of homeschooling grows and evolves in an organic way that ensures that Drue continues working towards her goals (as opposed to the goals defined by the California Department of Education) and that we support her as best we can. Additionally, we need to foster the same environment of learning and living our passions for ourselves and not just Drue. Because sometimes the hardest thing is not identifying your values but living them and incorporating them into a busy, daily life. And I think that’s something we all share as human beings, regardless of how we live and what we believe.
