lifeinflux

Me vs. the DMV, Part 1

// January 4th, 2012 // Featured Post

I have a confession to make.  I hate going to the DMV.   I know, I know. You’re shocked right, because guess what?  YOU TOO hate going to the DMV.  And while I am sure our dislike of standing in line for hours and forking over hundreds of dollars to get a piece of plastic to carry around in our wallet and a plate of metal to attach to our car is mutual, I am sure that you have never gone to the great lengths I have to avoid the Department of Motor Vehicles.  So since I’ve already made one confession – and was assured by the nice lady on the DMV 866 number that no one reading this post could knock in the door to my house and seize my new California license and registration – I have a few more confessions to make to you that go a little something like this.  Before my recent foray into DMV purgatory to obtain my California license, registration and license plate, the following statements were 100% true:

1. I’ve lived in five states and only had drivers licenses from 2 of them since the age of oh… 17.
2. I’ve driven actively in every state I’ve lived in using those two drivers licenses since the age of 17.
3. I only switched my drivers license from the state of North Carolina to one issued in Virginia because my old drivers license was about to expire and I was going on a trip where I needed to obtain a rental car.
4. I’ve only renewed my registration once on one vehicle.
5. I’ve owned six vehicles in my 20 years of driving.

Now before you go crazy counting on your fingers and toes (and given how small these numbers are, aren’t the toes a bit excessive?), let’s just go ahead and put it out there.  While I was technically driving somewhat legally for the past 17 years, I was actually only literally driving legally for maybe 2 or 3 of those years.   I know, shame on me.  While we could focus on this one little naughtiness in a life time of being a relatively good person, I think we can just sum this up in a few words.

Kids, don’t try this at home.  And yes, I was DAMN lucky.Did I mention that California DMV assured me not once but four times that posting all of this would NOT, in fact, lead to my new and very legal license and registration being confiscated?  ‘Cause they did.   And I checked… nowhere on any form did they ask me any question where I would have had to confess all that I am sharing here.  Therefore I was completely and totally honest and non-fraudulent and what more could a state government agency want?  Right?

Now why, you might ask, would you not update your license and registration on a regular basis.  Well, I might reply, for one the license only expired once so I really only felt legally obligated to renew it once and since I was holding a North Carolina license and living in Virginia it made perfect sense to go ahead and get a Virginia one.  As for the lack of appropriate car registration and plates, I really have no excuse other than I meant to renew my registration at first and then never got around to it in North Carolina.  And then when I finally felt motivated to do something – say hypothetically because I was stopped by a police officer and the ticket he wrote compelled me to go to the DMV – something would miraculously happen to the car and I would just go buy another.   And with a new car comes a temporary tag, a new registration card and a notification that your permanent plate is in the mail.   For someone like me that’s fantastic because in the time I would have spent at the DMV, I not only have all the documentation that state requires but I have a shiny new car, too!   WIN!

My little Vibe has moved from North Carolina to Virginia and now to California with me and maintained her awesome “First in Flight” plates from the moment they arrived in the mail that humid July day back in 2005 until today when a lovely DMV inspector checked the plate, sighed in exasperation and completed the form to start the process down the road towards receiving my shiny, new California plate.   Now don’t get me wrong – I meant to register my car in Virginia and even went to the DMV and everything!  I took the day off work, stood in line patiently,  and filled out my forms.  Wait no, I lie.  I was there to renew my soon-to-expire drivers license… you know, the one I needed to renew because I needed a rental car, remember?   So I figured, hell, I’m here already… might as well, right?   So I moved from the drivers license line to the registration line, waited (and waited…) and finally got to the desk to find out that the Commonwealth of Virginia does not just require fees to register your vehicle but the right arm of your first born as well!  Given I like Drue with two arms (you reading this all you sharks in the ocean?  TWO ARMS on that kid!), I decided to do the Mom thing and not let them take one off.  Well okay maybe it was the fact my car had not depreciated much in value and Virginia wanted 8% of the value of the car in that year’s fees.  Yes, you read correctly.  8%!   And this was at a time when I was pulling in $1300 every two weeks and my rent was $1500 a month.   Now’s when you should bring out those toes and do your counting.

So knowing Virginia was a pit stop in the life that is mine, I decided to wait until I moved to renew my car’s registration.  And secretly I hoped I would sell the car before that day arrived.   Or that it would get stolen… or smashed by a runaway Virginia snowplow.  Sadly, none of these things happened.  So off I went to the DMV yet again compelled by something other than the really, really, really expired plates living on the boot of my car.  But well, we’ll get into all of that tomorrow…