lifeinflux

…you might find, you get what you need!

// October 15th, 2012 // Featured Post

Growing up, my birthday was not exactly a celebrated event and by the time I was in my 20s just accepted that awesome birthdays were something that happened to other people.  Last year I decided to stop moping about not getting the kind of birthdays I wanted and take charge of this (to me) all-important annual event. As luck would have it, this year the Austin City Limits Music Festival was occurring on the same weekend as my birthday so I promptly ordered a 3-day wristband, booked five days in the Omni downtown and bought the cheapest plane ticket I could find. The plan was to go out to Austin early to check on colo space in one of the many local data centers, spend some time with friends and then attend the festival as one of the press corps working the weekend, attending the festival and after parties and interviewing some great local bands. I even scheduled a massage for Monday prior to flying back to San Francisco and my flights were picked to ensure I could work on Wednesday, Thursday and Monday for whichever client needed my time and attention thereby ensuring I only had to take one day off and could write off most of my trip as a business expense. Win-win-win, right? Sadly, Robert Burns said it best…

The best laid schemes o’ Mice an’ Men,
Gang aft agley,
An’ lea’e us nought but grief an’ pain,
For promis’d joy!

For those of you who are scratching your head, wondering what that means let me translate for you (the original quote is Scottish, you see)… “The best laid plans of Mice and Men oft go awry, and leave us nothing but grief and pain, for promised joy!”

In a nutshell, no, I did not go to Austin, I did not get to tour my new data center and I definitely did not spend three days of musical bliss listening to bands whose music I love, running between stages, then running backstage for interviews, heading over to the press area to file and then rushing from club to club to attend after parties and get more interviews. Instead, I ended up rushing from the San Francisco International airport a mere thirty minutes before I was due to board my plane, to meet up with IT to deal with a client-issued laptop emergency that was in no way my fault but could not be fixed remotely. Don’t you LOVE it when that happens? And honestly, as tempted as I was to say screw it, board the plane and deal with the client fallout when I got back, all the while stressing all weekend over whether I had violated some term of my contract that would have me fired at best or sued at worst (an action I would have taken as recently as last year), I am finally at the point where I prefer choosing the path of least stress where I make good on my commitments and do the right thing by me and by my clients.  Beyond that, I like this particular client and really want to do the right thing by them because they have certainly done the right thing by me over the last few months since I started working with them.  And while it could have been fine, who wants to spend five days stressing over what could happen instead of enjoying the moment, the experience of where I am and what I am doing in that moment?  Not me, not anymore.

I did call my media distributor and let them know what happened.  Luckily I am only a second this year for ACL meaning I am there to cover anything their first slate of reporters don’t.   That means interviewing local bands as opposed to say, the Red Hot Chili Peppers, taking filler pictures of the crowd as opposed to close ups of the bands, and filing personal interest stories from the backstage crews, concert goers and anyone else I can get on record to chat about the ACL experience.   Needless to say they had a nice list of locals happy to fill my slot and pick up my press pass and take advantage of my misfortune.  And honestly, I hope they had a blast.  I don’t begrudge them a moment of the crazy, insane fun I wanted to have because ultimately I feel I did the right thing.  And I impressed my contact when I explained the situation.  This is not the first time this has happened to them where someone had to cancel last minute… this is one of the first times he had enough notice to provide coverage, get new bona fides over to the press office and get a new pass issued ahead of time which hopefully means I won’t be out of the running to cover ACL, Coachella or any other festival I’ve asked to work next year.

So Thursday morning, my laptop was fixed and all my data restored.  I made my presentation on time which was fantastic.  I was able to complete the work requested by my client by Friday (granted I did not get a lot of sleep on Thursday night to make that happen, but whatever) which was awesome.   Friday, my actual birthday, is a pleasant blur of data, meetings, well wishes on Facebook, and a lovely dinner of fresh bread, cheese, and wine with friends before finally sleeping sometime in the wee hours of Saturday morning.  Saturday and Sunday, I took advantage of Drue’s attendance at a church retreat and ripped apart my room, cleaning as I went, until everything was organized and my private space felt like mine again.  I got a lot of sleep as well, something I haven’t had in a few weeks.  And, I gave myself permission to do a few things for myself and figured out a few things I need to stop doing in the short term and long term to maintain some balance in my life.  Drue got back from her retreat last night and the three of us went out to dinner to just celebrate being together as a family and that was okay by me.  So while it wasn’t a weekend of big celebrations and lots of gifts, I realized that while all of that sounds appealing, it’s not really me.  I don’t need anything and can easily buy anything I want.  I don’t really want the attention of a big celebration otherwise why would the perfect weekend entail me flying to another city and hanging out with thousands of strangers?  I think really what has been missing from most of my birthdays was a lack of control, an inability to do what I wanted or needed to do.  Last year, a good friend broke that mold when he declared I needed a mental health day, and we took our kids to the beach for the day on my birthday.  There was no great celebration, I don’t think my birthday even came up… but it was a moment where I could just have some good, old fashioned fun and get a day of rest away from the craziness of work and life.   It was a good lesson for me.   And it lead to a bit of an epiphany.  I realized I was not only allowed mental health days but that I needed them. Rather than deny myself the simple pleasures that come with recharging my own batteries, and resenting others who DID maintain that balance in their lives, wasn’t it easier and better to just take that time out and come back from it renewed?   That lightbulb moment  lead to a week-long cruise last January, taking off early on Fridays as needed, and taking two weeks off between contracts this past July to recharge and enjoy some fun family time.  It also gave me the strength and courage to refuse an additional client this year, knowing it would wreck the balance I need in my own life.

This year for my birthday, I gave up control and lost the weekend I wanted.  But in the end, I think I got the weekend I needed and today, I feel rested, pensive and ready to take some necessary next steps.  I’m not sure I could say that if I was flying in from three days of hard work on my client’s migration, three days running at ACL and two flights to and from Austin.  Does this mean I’ll be skipping ACL next year?  Heck, no man!  I am even more resolved to attend after watching the podcasts and hearing all the great music I missed live.   But it does mean I’ll plan better and ensure I have the days before and after the festival off to recharge my batteries after three days of awesome, musical insanity.   Sometimes things do happen for a reason and after the crazy of the last few months, I finally feel like I’m in the right place mentally, physically and emotionally, and ready to tackle another year of fun, wonderful, balanced living.   So Happy 38th birthday, to me!   My birthday weekend may be over but I suspect the fun is just beginning…