lifeinflux

Confessions of a PMP CDO DRP

// November 15th, 2012 // No Comments » // Featured Post

I have a confession.  I love to travel.  I love to travel for business, I love to travel for pleasure.  I love being gone for weeks on end or just a quick weekend heading out for an adventure somewhere else.   I have another confession.  I love throwing parties.  People in my house, eating good food, listening to great music, chatting up a storm and having a good time is my version of a good time.  And for reasons I cannot quite explain, I have not indulged in either for a really long time.  Granted, until recently I haven’t really had an opportunity to travel for business.  Additionally, when I travel for fun, I like bringing my kid along because, well, she’s a lot of fun to have around.   Her recent homeschool schedule makes travel difficult during the school year.  And I know parents who elect to educate their children in a public or private school setting run into this all the time.  But one HUGE attraction of homeschooling Drue was having the freedom to go where we wanted, when we wanted.  And sometimes that works – we are heading to South America in December by way of Mexico and the Panama Canal in a few weeks – and sometimes it doesn’t.

As for the lack of parties, my primary issue is the size of my postage stamp home in Palo Alto.  I have a huge backyard (that is a PITA to maintain and keep nice enough to have folks out there) but if it is cold or if it rains, that puts everyone in my house and the house itself is not very party friendly.  It’s a narrow U shape and the majority of the square footage is bedroom space.  And while it’s fun to type “party in my bedroom”, the reality is that I really don’t want 20 people hanging out in my private space.   You know?     I haven’t been very motivated to do much with this house since our plan since two summers ago is to move out of this house and somewhere else as soon as we can.  That date – next summer – is quickly approaching but not being able to host has left me feeling that something is lacking in my life and has made my home a less enjoyable place for me to be.   It’s a nice retreat from the traveling and the parties and fun at other people’s houses but not really a place where I can invite more than say 10 people at a time and feel relatively assured that we won’t be breathing in each other’s stink

The third thing that makes me very happy is feeling organized.  I know this is my OCD but it really does help me structure my days and make long term goals that are feasible.   And, as crazy as this sounds, having my life organized allows me to be more spontaneous.   I know I’m about to sound like a project manager here but when my life is scoped out appropriately, I can identify gaps in my time where I can afford to drop everything and go do wild, fun, unplanned things.   Additionally by knowing when things are due, and having a list of personal and professional milestone and deliverables list, I know when I can throw caution to the wind and do wild, fun, unplanned things.   So then when someone says, “let’s go to Europe for five days” (and by someone I may be referring to that little voice in my head), I can look at my life project plan and say, “Yes, I can totally do that!!  Let me shuffle these three things, send two emails and deliver one thing early and then let’s totally GO to EUROPE for five days.  Hell, let’s make it SIX!”  See!  Spontaneous!

2013 is gearing up to be a crazy, fantastic, amazing year and I am really looking forward to it for a plethora of reasons that I will get into at a later date.  And to prepare for that I’m looking at my personal goals, professional deliverables and a long list of “want to do’s” and figuring out when to do what.  And I’ll be bringing in as many fun, awesome, wonderful people into the fun as possible (and will let me).   So let the planning begin!!!

A moment’s pause to check-in

// November 14th, 2012 // No Comments » // Featured Post

To say I haven’t taken a moment’s pause since my birthday would be a GRAND understatement.   My work and my social life have taken on, well, lives of their own so to speak.  And usually this would be a great justification to neglect my own personal health and wellbeing but this time around, I’m struggling to set realistic boundaries for myself and work on my own personal health and to follow my own personal list of Do’s and Don’ts.   I also gave myself permission (again) to put off my 101 things list.  However, I decided to set a date in the near future to begin them so I merely moved the start date from my birthday to December 1st.   I’ve been traveling a bit for work (PA last week, Vancouver next week) and am hosting a little get-together at the beach this week.  Add in Thanksgiving, getting the house ready for Christmas, Jason leaving for Austria for seven days, making homemade Christmas cards, making Drue write her annual newsletter and quitting coffee and all soda, it’s been a busy time.

Yes, you read that correctly.  I quit coffee and all soda… Again.   For those in the know, I attempted this a few years back.  My first attempt had limited success and after three months I was sneaking soda in the car (doesn’t count), in other people’s homes (doesn’t count) and as a mixer with alcohol (really doesn’t count).  When I realized I was drinking soda at least three or four times a week (none of which counted, mind you), I figured it was time to just bring it back in the house and have it when it did count.  Because unless you bring it into the house, it totally doesn’t count.    I don’t remember if I felt awful or not when I quit caffeine the first time around but this time leaving caffeine felt akin to leaving an abusive relationship.    While downing 2 bowls of coffee per day (have you seen the size of my coffee cup?) and two to three diet sodas a day, I felt awful.  It was like being on a mental and emotional roller coaster.  I was fine during the act of caffeine consumption, I felt great for 20-30 minutes after and then my mood and ability to focus took a nose dive.  Lather, rinse, repeat over and over all day long.  Nights were difficult as well.  Around 10 PM I’d get that second burst of something – certainly not energy – that would ensure I could neither sleep nor focus.  So I’d vegetate in front of my iPad or television until I was ready to pass out sometime between midnight and 2 AM only to wake around 5 in order to attend a series of meetings starting at 5:30.  Insert bowl of coffee where applicable…

So I gave it up.  Day one was okay.  I was tired. No, I lie.  I was exhausted and all I could think was “x” more hours until I can take a nap.  Unfortunately, that nap never actually happened but I did pass out a little earlier that night.  The next morning was sheer, unmitigated hell on earth.  My head hurt like it has never hurt before.  For the first time ever, I understood what my mom goes through when she has one of her migraines that causes her to retreat to her dark room and just shut out the world.  Unfortunately, that day Drue had surfing, I had meetings and deliverables and I had a social engagement I’d put off a few times already so I popped two Advil, drank a ton of water and prayed the next day would be better.  It wasn’t.  Nor was the next day.  But the day after that, the headache began to dissipate and by the end of week one, I was headache free and completely exhausted.   I called my doctor who reminded me I was due for a myriad of blood tests including checking my Vitamin D and my thyroid so I popped into the lab and had the technician take as many vials of blood as she wanted.  Then I called my tea dude in Chinatown and went on a tea cleanse for a few days which gave me a small boost of caffeine and helped cleanse my system and restore hydration.  By day three I felt so much better, I cannot even begin to describe it.

Luckily that good feeling carried me through my trip to PA.  However, I am still pretty tired and after tracking my sleep for the past month, realize I only average about six hours of sleep a night.   That simply has to change as I really do so much better with 7 and 1/2 to eight hours per night.   Additionally, this week I received the news that my Vitamin D level is incredibly low – it’s 13 when it should be between 30 and 100 – which also contributes to my general exhaustion.  So I am on a new vitamin D treatment for the next ten weeks whereupon we’ll reevaluate where I am and see what our next steps are.    Now that I’ve tackled caffeine my next goal is to get my roughly eight hours of sleep per night, a task that is incredibly difficult because a) I don’t like missing ANYTHING and b) am a night owl but c) am now getting up at 5 AM most mornings due to early meetings and/or surfing.  So yeah… if you know of a way to convert from a night owl to a morning person, please let me know.   To further that goal (aka wear me out every day), Drue and I are going to hit the gym or do something that forces us to break into a nice, big sweat daily.  Not only does it help her stay in shape for tackling the waves but it wears me out enough that an earlier bedtime is slightly more attractive than usual.  And by slightly I mean I am starting to recognize that passing out upright or at an uncomfortable angle on the couch is not nearly as awesome as falling asleep in my own bed.

So yeah, busy, busy.  And, really, life is just so darn enjoyable at the moment that even with my malaise, I am still excited to go to work every day.  I’m excited to hang out with friends and I look forward to tackling the 101 in a better state of mind and health than I was at even a month ago.

A moment of gut clenching truth

// October 16th, 2012 // 2 Comments » // Featured Post, Life

Roughly a month ago, I saw a great post on MightyGirl about Maggie’s list of personal do’s and don’ts. I loved the idea of actually writing down a list for myself and, in doing so, realize that I carry a lot of hidden anger and latent resentment towards certain situations and occasionally even some really awesome people in my life because of my inability to maintain personal boundaries and to say no. The (sad? funny? insane?) thing is that this is not the first time I have put together a list of things I need to do to maintain Jeri optimal health As I read through my past list(s), I realized a startling pattern. Every time I’ve sat down and stated that I need to do certain, specific things to get healthy, keep myself sane and find balance in my life, within a week or two I take on new challenges or tasks that guarantee I won’t have the time, energy or fortitude to set myself on a path for personal success regarding my own wellbeing.

For example, in 2007, it was not enough that I was working 60-70 hour weeks, I had to take on running Drue’s school Talent Show. In 2008, when work slacked off a little after my promotion I took on Drue’s school’s Drama Club. In 2009, I quit my job and started running my own company and took the school Drama Club to the next level. 2010 was a good year – I finally stopped saying yes to other people and identified where I wanted to live (California) and who I wanted as clients (companies as opposed to the government) and took huge, all-consuming steps to make that happen by August. Then, in January of 2011 when life got on an even keel and I determined I needed to spend some time and energy on myself and my own personal interests, I then disrupted the balance by bringing in eight puppies and their mother into our home for four months, homeschooling Drue, and expanding my business by hiring employees and taking on additional contracts. And the list keeps going…

While I don’t regret any of these actions and have met wonderful people, learned a lot about myself and others and had a great time doing almost all of them, I’ve spent the last few days asking myself why I constantly commit 110% of myself to everything else thereby guaranteeing I have very little left for myself. Last week I stumbled across Stephanie Zamora’s site on personal development and purposeful living and read her post on How to Embrace the Void so You Can Live a Life of Passion, Joy and Fulfillment. Reading this post was the emotional equivalence to being hit with a Mack truck. I realized that instead of owning my emotions and allowing myself to feel what I feel, I stuff them down using anything and everything I can find to distract me or that allows me to hide whatever disappointments, hurts or other negative emotions I might be feeling. All of that type-A, work-a-holic, robotic type behavior is not because this is who I am but rather what I am hiding behind. And rather than say, “I am feeling _________________” or “I need ___________________”, I take on a new challenge or say yes to something when I really want to say no. And then the resentment begins, and it becomes someone else’s fault.

A most recent example of this is the almost martyr-like attitude I’ve taken with Drue’s homeschooling. Any issue Drue has with her own schooling must be MY fault because I am her mom and her teacher; therefore, I should read more books, revamp her work schedule, sign her up for a new class or two or three, make those extra drives down to San Jose so she can be with her friends, etc. etc. etc. Rather than let her take some accountability and fail (OHMILORD – does that reflect on me as her parent and teacher?) or succeed on her own merit and hard work, something she should be allowed to do, I become resentful of the time homeschooling takes away from other areas of my life and she becomes resentful of me treating her as a problem to solve. And really she’s not a problem to solve – this was just one more way for me to focus on something other than the truth of how I feel the disruption in my day, my work and my creative process that comes with having her home, the constant interruptions, driving her to programs, and all the other challenges that come with homeschooling. And that truth is coming out slowly as I allow myself to admit it to myself and remind myself constantly that not liking certain things and not wanting to do certain things does not make me a bad parent or a bad person.

So last night I sat down and wrote out my own personal list of Do’s and Don’ts. What would be on YOUR Do’s and Don’t list?

…you might find, you get what you need!

// October 15th, 2012 // 4 Comments » // Featured Post

Growing up, my birthday was not exactly a celebrated event and by the time I was in my 20s just accepted that awesome birthdays were something that happened to other people.  Last year I decided to stop moping about not getting the kind of birthdays I wanted and take charge of this (to me) all-important annual event. As luck would have it, this year the Austin City Limits Music Festival was occurring on the same weekend as my birthday so I promptly ordered a 3-day wristband, booked five days in the Omni downtown and bought the cheapest plane ticket I could find. The plan was to go out to Austin early to check on colo space in one of the many local data centers, spend some time with friends and then attend the festival as one of the press corps working the weekend, attending the festival and after parties and interviewing some great local bands. I even scheduled a massage for Monday prior to flying back to San Francisco and my flights were picked to ensure I could work on Wednesday, Thursday and Monday for whichever client needed my time and attention thereby ensuring I only had to take one day off and could write off most of my trip as a business expense. Win-win-win, right? Sadly, Robert Burns said it best…

The best laid schemes o’ Mice an’ Men,
Gang aft agley,
An’ lea’e us nought but grief an’ pain,
For promis’d joy!

For those of you who are scratching your head, wondering what that means let me translate for you (the original quote is Scottish, you see)… “The best laid plans of Mice and Men oft go awry, and leave us nothing but grief and pain, for promised joy!”

In a nutshell, no, I did not go to Austin, I did not get to tour my new data center and I definitely did not spend three days of musical bliss listening to bands whose music I love, running between stages, then running backstage for interviews, heading over to the press area to file and then rushing from club to club to attend after parties and get more interviews. Instead, I ended up rushing from the San Francisco International airport a mere thirty minutes before I was due to board my plane, to meet up with IT to deal with a client-issued laptop emergency that was in no way my fault but could not be fixed remotely. Don’t you LOVE it when that happens? And honestly, as tempted as I was to say screw it, board the plane and deal with the client fallout when I got back, all the while stressing all weekend over whether I had violated some term of my contract that would have me fired at best or sued at worst (an action I would have taken as recently as last year), I am finally at the point where I prefer choosing the path of least stress where I make good on my commitments and do the right thing by me and by my clients.  Beyond that, I like this particular client and really want to do the right thing by them because they have certainly done the right thing by me over the last few months since I started working with them.  And while it could have been fine, who wants to spend five days stressing over what could happen instead of enjoying the moment, the experience of where I am and what I am doing in that moment?  Not me, not anymore.

I did call my media distributor and let them know what happened.  Luckily I am only a second this year for ACL meaning I am there to cover anything their first slate of reporters don’t.   That means interviewing local bands as opposed to say, the Red Hot Chili Peppers, taking filler pictures of the crowd as opposed to close ups of the bands, and filing personal interest stories from the backstage crews, concert goers and anyone else I can get on record to chat about the ACL experience.   Needless to say they had a nice list of locals happy to fill my slot and pick up my press pass and take advantage of my misfortune.  And honestly, I hope they had a blast.  I don’t begrudge them a moment of the crazy, insane fun I wanted to have because ultimately I feel I did the right thing.  And I impressed my contact when I explained the situation.  This is not the first time this has happened to them where someone had to cancel last minute… this is one of the first times he had enough notice to provide coverage, get new bona fides over to the press office and get a new pass issued ahead of time which hopefully means I won’t be out of the running to cover ACL, Coachella or any other festival I’ve asked to work next year.

So Thursday morning, my laptop was fixed and all my data restored.  I made my presentation on time which was fantastic.  I was able to complete the work requested by my client by Friday (granted I did not get a lot of sleep on Thursday night to make that happen, but whatever) which was awesome.   Friday, my actual birthday, is a pleasant blur of data, meetings, well wishes on Facebook, and a lovely dinner of fresh bread, cheese, and wine with friends before finally sleeping sometime in the wee hours of Saturday morning.  Saturday and Sunday, I took advantage of Drue’s attendance at a church retreat and ripped apart my room, cleaning as I went, until everything was organized and my private space felt like mine again.  I got a lot of sleep as well, something I haven’t had in a few weeks.  And, I gave myself permission to do a few things for myself and figured out a few things I need to stop doing in the short term and long term to maintain some balance in my life.  Drue got back from her retreat last night and the three of us went out to dinner to just celebrate being together as a family and that was okay by me.  So while it wasn’t a weekend of big celebrations and lots of gifts, I realized that while all of that sounds appealing, it’s not really me.  I don’t need anything and can easily buy anything I want.  I don’t really want the attention of a big celebration otherwise why would the perfect weekend entail me flying to another city and hanging out with thousands of strangers?  I think really what has been missing from most of my birthdays was a lack of control, an inability to do what I wanted or needed to do.  Last year, a good friend broke that mold when he declared I needed a mental health day, and we took our kids to the beach for the day on my birthday.  There was no great celebration, I don’t think my birthday even came up… but it was a moment where I could just have some good, old fashioned fun and get a day of rest away from the craziness of work and life.   It was a good lesson for me.   And it lead to a bit of an epiphany.  I realized I was not only allowed mental health days but that I needed them. Rather than deny myself the simple pleasures that come with recharging my own batteries, and resenting others who DID maintain that balance in their lives, wasn’t it easier and better to just take that time out and come back from it renewed?   That lightbulb moment  lead to a week-long cruise last January, taking off early on Fridays as needed, and taking two weeks off between contracts this past July to recharge and enjoy some fun family time.  It also gave me the strength and courage to refuse an additional client this year, knowing it would wreck the balance I need in my own life.

This year for my birthday, I gave up control and lost the weekend I wanted.  But in the end, I think I got the weekend I needed and today, I feel rested, pensive and ready to take some necessary next steps.  I’m not sure I could say that if I was flying in from three days of hard work on my client’s migration, three days running at ACL and two flights to and from Austin.  Does this mean I’ll be skipping ACL next year?  Heck, no man!  I am even more resolved to attend after watching the podcasts and hearing all the great music I missed live.   But it does mean I’ll plan better and ensure I have the days before and after the festival off to recharge my batteries after three days of awesome, musical insanity.   Sometimes things do happen for a reason and after the crazy of the last few months, I finally feel like I’m in the right place mentally, physically and emotionally, and ready to tackle another year of fun, wonderful, balanced living.   So Happy 38th birthday, to me!   My birthday weekend may be over but I suspect the fun is just beginning…

Relaunching the 101…

// October 10th, 2012 // 3 Comments » // Life

This year, more than ever, as I creep closer and closer to 40, I really want to shake up my life and ensure that I experience new things, spend a lot of quality time with people I want to spend time with (not HAVE to spend time with) and, most importantly, have FUN!!! I’ve revamped my 101 in 1001 list three times now since I wrote the initial list in 2009 and have not made much of a dent in it each time. The first list I completed 10 items. The second time around I completed fifteen. This time I completed less than a third of my list; however, at no point did document fulfilling any of my goals and the steps I took before, during and after. I also did a lot of things on my list simply because they were ON the list. That is a bit of a bummer. I never want to get so caught up in this site that I miss living my life. On the other hand, part of having this site is writing and recording my life. So I decided to remove the items I’ve completed or just don’t really want to do and start afresh this year and work hard to complete it in July of 2015. I’ll be 40 then and ready to take on new challenges in the next decade of my life!

My mission: Complete 101 preset tasks in 1001 days.

The criteria: Tasks must be specific (i.e. no ambiguity in the wording) with a result that is either measurable or clearly defined. Tasks must also be realistic and stretching (i.e. represent some amount of effort on your part) but not so overwhelming they cannot be accomplished in 1001 days. Tasks must be blogged on each day as I work through the list. Pictures will also be supplied as proof that the task is being worked and/or is completed.

The Start Date: 10/12/2012
The Finish Date: 07/09/2015

My list is split into four categories. Live is the first category and contains tasks and/or challenges that require me to get out of my comfort zone, interact with others and develop new relationships and friendships while preserving old friendships and family ties. Learn is a list of things I would either like to master or is something I am simply interested in investigating. I’ve tried to make sure the things I learn will either be physically or mentally challenging and/or fun. Because if it is not challenging or fun, what’s the point? Love is a series of tasks that are for me, that will improve my physical, mental and emotional well-being and make me and/or others feel good. Lush is exactly that – tasks that are a true pleasure and something I want to do for me just because. I mean, really. What is the point of having a list of things to do if some of them aren’t pure pleasure for pleasure’s sake!

The ListLive
1. Dip my feet in the Atlantic Ocean at sunset, drive across the country and dip my feet in the Pacific Ocean at sunrise.
2. Spend some time touring Europe alone.
3. Be with family for each and every Thanksgiving. Did that, it’s not particular enjoyable being around some of them and I’d rather spend the money elsewhere. New Goal: Host a beach weekend for our friends.
4. Hike Ubehebe and Little Hebe craters (top to bottom and back again)
5. Attend the Austin City Limits Music Festival.
6. Attend the Calgary Stampede
7. Attend Mardi Gras in New Orleans Been there, done that, have the beads. New Goal: Attend Coachella
8. Attend the Great American Beer Festival in Denver, CA I don’t like beer. I don’t know what I was thinking. New Goal: Take and post 101 pictures of myself.
9. Attend BlogHer
10. Go salsa dancing
11. Go zorbing.
12. Take the Primal Leap.
13. Host one social event a month.
14. Try 101 new foods.
15. Attend PrimalCon. This sounds cool in theory but it’s something I keep putting off and don’t really want to do. New Goal: Run a 5K and then run a 10K.
16. Participate in the 100 strangers project.
17. Swim with sharks.
18. Meet online friends in person. Moved this one to Love. See below. New Goal: Swim 300 meters (12 laps) effortlessly.
19. Join a monthly book club that meets in person and attend each month. Note: I joined a book club but don’t attend regularly so that makes this a new goal.
20. Participate in a team sport.
21. Complete the 7-day Multi-Climate Complete Survivor Course
22. Create photography/gallery site.
23. Ride a zipline.
24. Go on a cruise.
25. Go on a blind date.

Learn
26. Learn how to ride a bike.
27. Learn how to juggle. I keep trying to do this and it’s a painful exercise in my lack of eye/hand coordination. New Goal: Learn to speak German. I don’t necessarily want to be LITERATE but business level German would be incredibly helpful (and cool to boot).
28. Learn to snowboard very well as opposed to what I do now which is manage to stay upright.
29. Learn how to fish.
30. Relearn how to roll a kayak.
31. Take salsa classes.
32. Create a successful blog.
33. Learn how to play chess well.
34. Make something using my new sewing machine.
35. Make paper, and then make something from that paper.
36. Record a CD of my own music.
37. Take an art class.
38. Learn to play guitar.
39. Participate in one of sh1ft.org’s photography projects.
40. Learn how to sail.
41. Learn to speak proper French.
42. Complete a creative bootcamp like NaNoWriMo or Scott McCloud’s Making Comics
43. Take a photography class.
44. Learn how to meditate.
45. Take a yoga class.
46. Learn how to knit.
47. Learn how to crochet.
48. Listen to 1000 new songs and find appreciation in music that is not within my comfort zone.
49. Get my SCUBA certification.
50. Learn bad-ass knife skills in the kitchen and apply them to the art of cooking frequently.

Love
51. Work on 20 Things to Stop Doing to Others
52. Run a 10K. Moved to Live. New Goal: Meet online friends in person (from Live).
53. Swim 300 meters (12 laps) effortlessly. Moved to Live. New Goal: Two hours a week are mine to spend as I like (from Lush).
54. Be a mentor.
55. Read a book from the 1001 Children’s Books to Read Before You Grow Up list at least three nights a week. I realized I’ve read most of the books on this list that I want to read. New Goal: Spend an average of an hour each day that I am in town with Rascal training, walking and playing with him.
56. Walk 10,000 steps a day. See below. New Goal: Read a book with Drue at least three nights a week.
57. Perform random acts of kindness to at least 5 strangers without expecting anything in return.
58. No more conspicuous plastic use. This belongs on a different blog (coming soon!). New Goal: Meet my health goals: Reach goal weight (broken up into mini goals), walk 10,000 steps daily, avoid gluten and sugar since my body does not react well to them.
59. Shop at local farmers markets or local grocery stores.
60. Give myself 30 consecutive days of fun.
61. Compost.
62. Reduce the number of power vampires in the house by half.
63. Complete the family photo project.
64. Participate in the 365 days project.
65. Make 101 handmade, lovely things.
66. Donate whole blood every quarter.
67. Read 52 books in 52 weeks.
68. Give up swearing for 30 days.
69. Average eight hours of sleep a night.
70. Complete a CPR and basic first aid course.
71. Build a Habitat for Humanity home.
72. Conduct a one year happiness project.
73. Create a morning writing ritual.
74. Be debt free.
75. Have three months of savings tucked away that goes untouched.

Lush
76. Sleep and dine in a castle.
77. Have dinner at the French Laundry.
78. Attend the San Francisco Black and White Ball
79. Two hours each week are mine to spend as I like. Moved to Love. New Goal: Host a fabulous girls weekend!
80. Drink a milkshake at Fosselman’s.
81. Have dinner at Chez Panisse.
82. Swim with sharks. Duplicate! New Goal: Go on every ride at Disneyland (even the kiddie ones)!!
83. Purchase my new camera and the necessary lenses to pursue my craft. I buy those anyway and most of them are business expenses. New Goal: Unplug for a week (no phones, no Interwebs, no television, no movies, no video games, nothing!)
84. Create a space within my home that nurtures me creatively. Given California housing prices this feels a little impossible. Maybe once I buy a house this can go back on the list. New Goal: Pay myself $20 for every item completed and then spend it as I wish at the end of the 1001 days.
85. Take a mud bath in Calistoga.
86. Go horseback riding on the beach.
87. Crash a wedding, reception included. I have really tried to be brave enough to do this but I just can’t. It’s not me or my personality to pull something like this off. New Goal: Make handmade cards for birthdays and holidays.
88. Spend the night in a museum.
89. Spend the night in a tree house.
90. Ride the Napa Valley Wine Train.
91. Go on a hot air balloon ride.
92. Spend a week touring Napa and Sonoma. At this point I’ve been all over Napa and Sonoma so a week is redundant. New Goal: Hire a virtual assistant.
93. Rent a limo for the night.
94. Take the New York Dinner Cruise.
95. Eat beignets at the Café du Monde.
96. Pull off the perfect road trip.
97. Collect art I love from artists whose efforts I want to support. This is too nebulous! New Goal: Buy an original piece of art.
98. See the calves and whales in their breeding lagoons near Cabo San Lucas. Been there, done that and it was awesome. New Goal: Facials, manicure and pedicure each month
99. Buy a year’s subscription to the opera. Second year running and we love going to the opera!! New Goal: Buy something unexpected, frivolous and totally impractical.
100. Go snorkeling in Bimini
101. Have high tea at Fortnum & Mason in London.

The final list can be found permanently here. So check back in. I am not sure why I am so motivated this time around. Maybe it’s turning 38 in two days. Maybe it’s just because NOW feels like the right time. Either way, this time I am determined to crush the list and have a blast while doing it. Let me know if you want to join in on any of the fun!!

International Day of the Girl

// October 9th, 2012 // No Comments » // Life

Thursday is the United Nations International Day of the Girl, a single day highlighting, celebrating, discussing, and advancing girls lives and opportunities across the globe. As a girl and as the mother of a girl, frankly I think every day should be International Day of the Girl but then I am a bit biased. The campaign to start this amazing day and promote international awareness of and to advance the UN Millennium Development Goals related to gender equality and universal basic education, and other human rights issues began right here in the United States and was led by School Girls Unite, an organization of students and young women leaders. If you are a girl, have a girl in your life, love a girl or simply want to support this amazing day, I encourage you to get involved. Below I’ve listed several organizations around the world who have prepared special campaigns and activities. Here are some ways you can be involved.

1. Sign up your company and/or organization to support and endorse International Day of the Girl through the Day of the Girl website.

2. Sign Care’s petition to fight child marriage by sending a letter to Secretary of State Hillary Clinton. Child marriage is a global epidemic. One in seven girls will be forced to marry by age 15, robbing her of a chance to get an education, lead a healthy life and reach her full potential. Signing the petition takes little effort on your part and can change girls’ lives throughout the world.

3. LitWorld’s Stand Up for Girls campaign is part of LitWorld’s larger effort to rally their network of literacy champions around the world to advocate for every girl’s right to a quality education. Take the pledge, sign up for activities, join events throughout the world and Stand Up for every woman’s right to a good education.

4. Plan International launches it’s Because I’m a Girl campaign on October 11th. This campaign aims to bring global focus to the widespread denial of basic rights to girls, and the ‘invisibility’ of girls in the global development agenda, help to make girls and their rights more visible, help to achieve the Millennium Development Goals and work to enable girls to gain an equal position in society. You can get involved by donating to Plan or sponsoring a girl in a developing country. Believe it or not, the US is considered a developing country where girl and women’s initiatives are concerned.

5. 10×10, a social action campaign, created and launched by an award-winning team of former ABC News journalists uses the power of storytelling and leveraging of strategic partnerships to delivery a single message: that educating girls in developing nations will change the world. You can participate in the International Day of the Girl Tweet-a-thon or host your own event. Sign up on the 10×10 site now and take advantage of their incredible resources and create social change in your own area, in your own way.

6. Be a part of the first Day of the Girl Summit! Take the pledge, leave a Shout Out! and participate in the live summit discussions. Educate yourself on what you can do today and every day to improve the lives of girls in your life and around the world!

7. Continue supporting girls throughout the world or right in your own neighborhood beyond October 11th. Dayofthegirl.org has eleven amazing ideas you and your family can do any day of the year to make girls’ lives better.

I encourage you to click on the links above, find an organization whose cause and mission speaks to your heart, think about the girls in your life and give of yourself on October 11th and to a worthy, worthwhile, ongoing need to celebrate girls and to ensure they are empowered and able to meet their basic needs and rights. And I encourage you to go to the web search engine of your choosing, type in “International Day of the Girl 2012″ and find other campaigns and opportunities to give of yourself if you don’t find something on my list that touches your heart.

If Hollywood can reboot, so can I!

// October 8th, 2012 // 5 Comments » // Life

The other day I was chatting with one of my friends about how I miss writing, never have time to write and wish I could get back to the old lifeinflux blog when she nicely reminded me that in the time I just spent bitching and moaning about it, I could have written an entire blog post.  Me being me, I immediately rejected that notion because my site hasn’t been updated in forever, much less finished and I have a design to-do list the length of my arm (okay maybe I’m exaggerating) that I MUST accomplish before indulging in the pleasure of writing and posting a single thing.   This morning I woke up to Rascal barfing on the floor after eating god knows what and after sitting at the laptop for awhile trying to find some sort of inspiration, I called bullshit on myself, something I am getting better and better at doing.  For example, “Jeri you must wake up at a ridiculously early time to make a homemade something or other for the potluck today!”  Bullshit!   “Jeri, “You should continue to overcommit and try to be in two or three places at once ensuring you will be batshit crazy by the time you’re 40!!!”  Horse puckey!!    See how that works?   It’s amazing this calling yourself out on impractical ideas and it saves so much time and resentment on my part, I can’t believe I didn’t give up and go with the flow earlier.  The bonus is this new way of thinking ensures I get to shower on daily basis (BONUS!!).  Because, really, who cares if I bring the most delicious, homemade whatever to the potluck while sporting oil-slicked hair, an overly perfumed body, dog hair hanging off my clothing and makeup on only the right side of my face.  You’re not going to eat the food I gave up grooming time to make!  You’re going to sit back and think, “Man that person obviously has a lot of dog hair hanging out in her house” (and for the record, I do).  And then I’m going to be all depressed driving home thinking, “But I cleaned all the dog hair AND the smelly dog puke up in the kitchen before I cooked… what is their problem anyway!!   And then I’ll think you’re mean, and judgmental and who are you anyway and you’ll think I’m smelly and wonder why I can’t bathe properly when I only have one kid and you have three (or two dozen) and we’ll never be friends. The end.

So after giving up on the potluck and the awesome idea I got pre-coffee about posting pictures and a recipe of what I was making for today’s blog post, I got sidelined wondering how many ways one could say bullshit without saying bullshit and twenty minutes later realized that this right here is why I don’t post a lot.  I get started, I get all dramatic, I get distracted, I spend way too much time on the interwebs Googling things like “bullshit in different languages” and then spend another long period of time making sure I say kletspraat and absurda correctly before deciding that’s too much hard work and instead will affect a horrible English accent and just say “rubbish” a lot in the future.    Oh by the way, kletspraat and absurda are bullshit in Dutch and Spanish for you uninformed people out there.  And it has to be true because the Interweb said so and the Interweb doesn’t lie… ever.

Then I moseyed over to my other laptop and started working with data and a few hours passed and then I realized my poor half-written, under-developed blog post was just sitting out here on its lonesome, perched in the void between autosave and not really saved and I was ignoring it.   And I almost read through it but stopped myself because that leads to editing until I become so frustrated I delete the whole damn thing and think “tomorrow will be a better posting day”.   But my reality is that no day is a better posting day.   Every day is insane, and different and crazy and fragmented and dog hair filled and regardless of how early I get up or how much I try to focus on blogging that perfect post, it just isn’t going to happen.  My life is not constructed that way and lord knows, neither I am.  And really I wouldn’t have it any other way.   So this week I am going to start by just posting and see what happens.  It will be random and unformed and all over the place.  I’m also going to try to restructure life influx, hitting the highlights and only working on the design pieces I actually give a crap about (crap being yet another way of saying bullshit, just so you know).   And then I’m going to get on a plane and fly to Austin and indulge in a few days with my friends there, listen to a lot of great music, interview some little known bands, take a lot of pictures and then come back and blog some more.

And if you don’t like it, oh well.

Me vs. the DMV, Part II

// January 10th, 2012 // 1 Comment » // Featured Post

I think part of my dislike of the DMV is a bit self-fulfilling.  For example, my original appointment was Wednesday and I had every document I needed except my birth certificate and marriage license.  I remembered my divorce decree but the identification proving I was a citizen of the good ole USA and the one document I own showing why my name has changed (as opposed to the cool made-up reason which is that I am actually wanted in 11 states for snatching candy from babies but more on that later) were not on my person.  Jays, bless his heart, ran from the DMV to the house and back again.  Unfortunately we were one hour past our designated appointment time.  So we had two choices.  We could wait in the no-appointment line which was already at a 2 hour plus wait just to get a number to get the entire process started (NOT) or we could come back on Thursday at 8:30 in the morning and start the process anew.  We’ll take door B, thank you very much.  So home we went and up at the ungodly hour of 5 AM on the day of our second appointment.  I’d like to say I was up that early to fluff and blow out my hair but I was actually up to take a few calls from the east coast for work.  However, I did manage to do something with my hair and even slap on a little make-up before we rushed out the door to make our 8:30 appointment.  We walked in five minutes early, and were promptly sent off to have the car checked to get the paperwork for registering the vehicle in California.  I think the guy who inspected my car has seen it all because he did not blink at my circa 2006 North Carolina registered license plate.  He checked the VIN, put some information into his iPhone, signed a few things, grunted a few times and sent us back in 9 minutes after we pulled my car into the inspection line.

Once back inline, I quickly received my number and sat for a mere 11 minutes before being called to complete the documentation portion and to get my registration.   DMV had upgraded their system a week prior and the poor lady I was working with had to redo my information three times.  First she typed the wrong address.  Then she used my maiden name on the registration. Then she could not cancel out the license with my maiden name and had to enter my name as an AKA which would have me flagged at every airport security desk across the nation.  We finally got it straightened out only to find out that my copy of the title would not get me registered in California.  I called my bank and it seems they sent my title to North Carolina to the address my car was registered in (insert Homer-like D’oh!) and would have to reissue my title to me in California.  This process would take oh… maybe 30 to 45 days.  Sigh.  Usually I would not qualify for a temporary tag but after the license fiasco she went to her supervisor and was granted approval to issue a 3 month temp tag.  Woot!   From this line I moved to the picture line and then picked up my test.   I had to wait for a cubby to open so I had a moment to flip through the California drivers manual which later benefited me immensely.  Finally a cubby was available and I moved over to take my drivers written test.

The first thing I noticed is that we have WAY cooler driving tests in the South.   For example, do you know what the required mileage is if you must pass a tractor who is approaching you on a two lane, unmarked dirt road?   It’s 15 miles per hour UNLESS there are cows present in an unfenced pasture approaching the road whereupon you pull to the side and allow the cow AND the tractor to pass before proceeding down the road at 25 miles per hour.  Thank you, Texas Driving School for that bit of knowledge.   And did you know that if you are driving within 3 miles of   pig farm in North Carolina, you should slow to 35 miles per hour to ensure proper stopping distance in case one of those smelly critters gets loose?  Well, now you do.   But alas, California did not have any random questions like that.  They did ask when it is acceptable to smoke in a car when a child is present and the answer is never (as opposed to when it’s your child which is what I originally thought the right answer would be).   However, there were no questions about driving in or around pot farms or what is the acceptable amount of medical marijuana you can carry around with you while operating a motor vehicle.   Some people, and by some I mean Jason, did not get a perfect score on their written driving test. I, however, did and I was very sad when I did not receive a gold star or some other commendation for basically taking a picture of 37 pages of the California drivers manual and then applying those mad photographic memory skills towards acing my test.   Errrr, I mean, I studied hard and of course I did well.   Either way, I just wanted a little something that showed, say the police officer who might one day pull me for driving 85 on 280 that I am actually an EXCEPTIONAL driver.  You can tell by the gold star on my license that shows I aced my test.  See?!?!  However, the lady grading my test at the DMV was having none of that and answered “No” in a monotone when I asked for some physical proof that I had, in fact, blown my test out of the water with my amazing written driving skills smarts.  Or something.  I am not sure if I looked disappointed or if she just wanted me to shut up, but she did grab a yellow highlighter and draw a star on the front page of my test before handing it over and barking NEXT to the person behind me in line.

Finally, I was in the last line at the DMV and so darn grateful even though the entire experience was relatively painless and quick.  As I stood in my last line at the DMV, a small child caught my eye as he smooshed handfuls of Reece’s Pieces in his grubby little mouth at the grand ole hour of 9:15 in the morning.   He was not the only child in the DMV to be bribed with sugar.  In fact, part of my anxiety that morning stemmed from waiting to see which little sugar filled child beast was going to go off first in a sugar fueled rage.   I admit it, I held my breath and cursed that mother, the entire line in front of me, the state of California and the DMV when I realized he was at the end of his bag right about the same time he started shaking it upside down to figure out why more candy wasn’t magically appearing.  After a few moments, he threw the bag down, looked up at his mother and said, “Canny?”  His mother, arguing with some poor DMV official, ignored him.   So he got a little louder.  “CAN-ny!”   When that didn’t work, he started tugging on her shirt singing, “CAN-NY, CAN-NEE, CAAAANEEEEEE, CANNNNNEEEEEEEEEE!”   By this point half the DMV was paying attention to him, except his own mother.   Realizing he had an audience, albeit not the audience he wanted, he immediately stopped shrieking and looked around at all of us.  When he realized that none of us were rushing to feed his sugar fix, he carefully aligned himself between the rail and the counter, looked around to make sure he wouldn’t hit anything on the way down and then promptly threw his body down onto the concrete floor screaming “CAAAANNNNNNNNNEEEEEEYYY” until he hit the floor.   It is one of those times in your life when everything slows waaayyyy dooowwnnn because I swear it took 5 minutes for this child to hit the ground from barely 2 feet above.   And where the shrieking did not work, the smack to the ground sure did.  That women shrieked, threw her bag at the poor DMV official and flopped down on the ground next to her child providing something akin to comfort through hugs, and the promise of “Mamadidnothearyoubaby!  Mamagetyoumorecandy!”    She then leaped up, circled around and started eying all of us to see who she could possible beat up and steal candy from for her precious weeble wobble, now sitting up on the floor snuffling, huge crocodile tears rolling down his fat cheeks gasping out the  occasional sad  “cannnyyyy”  from his chubby bunny lips.    The woman finally spotted some poor man sitting down on a chair holding a Snickers bar, snatched up her purse, left her child lying on the floor and propelled herself in a few steps over to see what she could do about acquiring this man’s candy bar.  I am not sure what she said to him to get him to release that candy into her custody but I suspect the bill she handed him helped.   She leaped back to her child, handed him the candy, got him up and turned back to the DMV official to begin arguing again as if nothing out of the ordinary had happened.  Because I guess in her world, nothing did.

The rest of us were standing around a bit shell shocked and it took a few yells of “NEXT” from the DMV officials to get the line moving again.  Ten minutes later I was walking out of the DMV, temporary registration and license in hand and I realized something.   I had learned a great lesson that day.  And no, it’s not that doing the right thing and renewing your license and registration take little time and/or pain (especially now that I can renew online).  The lesson learned is that I am in the wrong business!   Yes, you read that correctly.  Why the hell do I work 50 hour weeks and run my own business when I could sit outside of the DMV each day, Costco candy box in hand and earn a small fortune sugaring up these children waiting inside the DMV?     Because even if I only charged a dollar for each candy bar (btw a box of 35 bars cost $9 at Costco, you do the math), I’d come out ahead and for little stress and minimal effort.  I walked back in to the DMV and spent a moment counting.   At that moment, there were 26 kids in the DMV and of those 26 kids, 11 were screaming because they had finished their candy, 9 still had their candy and were waiting in long lines and 7 had mean parents like me who would not give their child candy to bribe them if life on EARTH depended on them mowing down on that sucker at 9 AM on a Thursday.

I’m telling you.  Put your entrepreneur’s caps on, hit Costco and I’ll see you at the local DMV.   We’ll make a fortune and since it was my idea, don’t forget my 8% off the top.

 

Me vs. the DMV, Part 1

// January 4th, 2012 // 2 Comments » // Featured Post

I have a confession to make.  I hate going to the DMV.   I know, I know. You’re shocked right, because guess what?  YOU TOO hate going to the DMV.  And while I am sure our dislike of standing in line for hours and forking over hundreds of dollars to get a piece of plastic to carry around in our wallet and a plate of metal to attach to our car is mutual, I am sure that you have never gone to the great lengths I have to avoid the Department of Motor Vehicles.  So since I’ve already made one confession – and was assured by the nice lady on the DMV 866 number that no one reading this post could knock in the door to my house and seize my new California license and registration – I have a few more confessions to make to you that go a little something like this.  Before my recent foray into DMV purgatory to obtain my California license, registration and license plate, the following statements were 100% true:

1. I’ve lived in five states and only had drivers licenses from 2 of them since the age of oh… 17.
2. I’ve driven actively in every state I’ve lived in using those two drivers licenses since the age of 17.
3. I only switched my drivers license from the state of North Carolina to one issued in Virginia because my old drivers license was about to expire and I was going on a trip where I needed to obtain a rental car.
4. I’ve only renewed my registration once on one vehicle.
5. I’ve owned six vehicles in my 20 years of driving.

Now before you go crazy counting on your fingers and toes (and given how small these numbers are, aren’t the toes a bit excessive?), let’s just go ahead and put it out there.  While I was technically driving somewhat legally for the past 17 years, I was actually only literally driving legally for maybe 2 or 3 of those years.   I know, shame on me.  While we could focus on this one little naughtiness in a life time of being a relatively good person, I think we can just sum this up in a few words.

Kids, don’t try this at home.  And yes, I was DAMN lucky.Did I mention that California DMV assured me not once but four times that posting all of this would NOT, in fact, lead to my new and very legal license and registration being confiscated?  ‘Cause they did.   And I checked… nowhere on any form did they ask me any question where I would have had to confess all that I am sharing here.  Therefore I was completely and totally honest and non-fraudulent and what more could a state government agency want?  Right?

Now why, you might ask, would you not update your license and registration on a regular basis.  Well, I might reply, for one the license only expired once so I really only felt legally obligated to renew it once and since I was holding a North Carolina license and living in Virginia it made perfect sense to go ahead and get a Virginia one.  As for the lack of appropriate car registration and plates, I really have no excuse other than I meant to renew my registration at first and then never got around to it in North Carolina.  And then when I finally felt motivated to do something – say hypothetically because I was stopped by a police officer and the ticket he wrote compelled me to go to the DMV – something would miraculously happen to the car and I would just go buy another.   And with a new car comes a temporary tag, a new registration card and a notification that your permanent plate is in the mail.   For someone like me that’s fantastic because in the time I would have spent at the DMV, I not only have all the documentation that state requires but I have a shiny new car, too!   WIN!

My little Vibe has moved from North Carolina to Virginia and now to California with me and maintained her awesome “First in Flight” plates from the moment they arrived in the mail that humid July day back in 2005 until today when a lovely DMV inspector checked the plate, sighed in exasperation and completed the form to start the process down the road towards receiving my shiny, new California plate.   Now don’t get me wrong – I meant to register my car in Virginia and even went to the DMV and everything!  I took the day off work, stood in line patiently,  and filled out my forms.  Wait no, I lie.  I was there to renew my soon-to-expire drivers license… you know, the one I needed to renew because I needed a rental car, remember?   So I figured, hell, I’m here already… might as well, right?   So I moved from the drivers license line to the registration line, waited (and waited…) and finally got to the desk to find out that the Commonwealth of Virginia does not just require fees to register your vehicle but the right arm of your first born as well!  Given I like Drue with two arms (you reading this all you sharks in the ocean?  TWO ARMS on that kid!), I decided to do the Mom thing and not let them take one off.  Well okay maybe it was the fact my car had not depreciated much in value and Virginia wanted 8% of the value of the car in that year’s fees.  Yes, you read correctly.  8%!   And this was at a time when I was pulling in $1300 every two weeks and my rent was $1500 a month.   Now’s when you should bring out those toes and do your counting.

So knowing Virginia was a pit stop in the life that is mine, I decided to wait until I moved to renew my car’s registration.  And secretly I hoped I would sell the car before that day arrived.   Or that it would get stolen… or smashed by a runaway Virginia snowplow.  Sadly, none of these things happened.  So off I went to the DMV yet again compelled by something other than the really, really, really expired plates living on the boot of my car.  But well, we’ll get into all of that tomorrow…

A Question of Values

// January 2nd, 2012 // No Comments » // Educating the Chaotic Mind

One of the many reasons we decided to homeschool was to cover a lot of the basics we feel education is lacking these days.   A benefit of bringing her home is that we’ve had an amazing opportunity to reinforce our values as a family and to encourage her to find friends who share those values.  Being locked away in a school for eight hours each day is akin to being tossed into an emotional lion’s den and my sensitive child was emotionally destroyed daily only to be revived each evening and sent back in the fray.  Sadly, she picked up some not-so-charming habits that she felt – and rightly so – were critical for her social survival.    In many ways, having young parents were a further detriment as Jason and I had Drue before we were fully formed adults.   So, she’s watched us struggle with our own values and beliefs during her childhood.  Rather than teach her our beliefs, we’ve vacillated between what we want verses what is right verses what we believe and Drue was left with a decent sense of right and wrong but no strong foundation to support her as she grappled with the “mean” kids.    Add to that a sweet nature, a sensitive heart and a determination to mature at her pace rather than society’s and you have a child walking around figuratively carrying a “Yes, please bully me!” sign.   And while I am pleased in some ways that Drue stood up to the little bitches mean girls for herself and her friends, I was not thrilled that the standing up process involved hitting someone.

Since bringing Drue home, we’ve had many occasions to discuss our values at a micro level aka who we are or want to be as people as well as at a macro level including how we can contribute to those areas or things we feel passionate about.  It is one thing to say we practice environmentally friendly habits or that we want to reduce waste in the oceans and save our fish and marine mammal friends and something else entirely to do something about what we believe in.  Having a child in school plus the so-called “normal” suburbia afternoon and weekend activities leaves little time for quiet thought, discussion and reflection much less time to actually put all those thoughts and decisions into action.   I get that.  However, now that we homeschool  Drue, we actually have a lot of control over Drue’s time (and ours) and, with permission to walk off the beaten path, Drue has found friends who nurture and support her as a person and respect her values, even if they don’t share them.   And Jason and I have the freedom over the course of an entire day to spend the time with Drue to help her meet her goals as well as further define our values as individuals and as a family and put those values into action instead of trying to jam them down her throat for a few hours each night and in-between rounds of soccer games each weekend.   It’s very win-win.

Now don’t get me wrong, this is a process and I certainly am not the absolute authority on defining and living your values.   But I relish the time I have with Drue to get to know her as this amazing, evolving young person and for her to see me as what I am – a functioning adult, grappling with my own evolving thoughts, ideals, goals and values – and having the time, energy and inclination to put those thoughts, ideas, goals and values into practice.  And I am so thankful we have the time and energy to live the life we want as opposed to cramming it in around the time  schedule dictated by living a s0-called “normal life”.    Early in the homeschool process, I rolled my eyes at the thought of someone homeschooling for religious reasons.  But really, is that any different than what we are doing here?   Sure, instead of promoting bible studies and ensuring Drue has additional time for church and fellowship, we promote marine internships, additional study in science and math and ensure Drue has additional time to be in and on the water but regardless of where we place our time value, are we really different from any other family who decides to homeschool, regardless of the reason or religious intent?

I think it is merely a question of values and for our family, we value our time, our passions and Drue’s education too much to confine her or ourselves to the standards of the norm.    Our biggest challenge this year is to recognize that homeschool is merely one smart step on the long journey of our lives and not the be-all, end all goal and to ensure the process of homeschooling grows and evolves in an organic way that ensures that Drue continues working towards her goals (as opposed to the goals defined by the California Department of Education) and that we support her as best we can.   Additionally, we need to foster the same environment of learning and living our passions for ourselves and not just Drue.   Because sometimes the hardest thing is not identifying your values but living them and incorporating them into a busy, daily life.  And I think that’s something we all share as human beings, regardless of how we live and what we believe.