First, I think the important thing to remember is that Sugar does not have Asperger’s and is not trying to portray Asperger’s accurately. I think the Glee writers were commenting on how society and schools use labels as a way to classify kids and how that classification can go horribly awry with this dramatic kid who does NOT have Asperger’s using it as an excuse for her bad behavior. I don’t think Glee was trying to make a big social statement about Aspergers. They have already tackled a few very sensitive subjects well – for example, Sam’s being homeless due to economic issues and Becky in mainstream high school. I can understand why this struck a nerve; however, intent and social commentary are very important here and Glee’s message was intended to comment on the misuse and overuse of labels like ADD and Aspergers within our schools and by the medical profession. Had they actually sent this message through a character with Aspergers, I’d agree 100% with you. But they didn’t and the point they did make was accurate and the overuse of labels only hurt people who actually DO have Aspergers, ADD or some other spectrum disorder. So that is why Glee got the rock on from me.

That said, you are absolutely entitled to your feelings and I’m sorry that Glee and my blog post have contributed to any negative feelings you’re experiencing. I don’t think it was anyone’s intention to make you or anyone feel “like shit”. And while I am not walking your path in life, I believe that I do understand where you are coming from.

I was not diagnosed with Asperger’s until I was in my late 20s. I went through school feeling like a freak with no idea how to behave or relate to my peer group, a common issue amongst people with Aspergers. In some ways I was lucky because no one slapped a label on me and I was able to appear normal by borrowing social behaviors from kids around me. I went to parties, joined clubs, had boyfriends and was active at school and at church. The problem is that the real me wasn’t involved in these activities – it was a social mask of propriety that I put on to ensure that others never knew what a “freak” I thought I was on the inside. The real me had no idea how to behave or what to do in social situations so like you, I “lied” to my friends to appear normal. It was exhausting and by my senior year I was checked out mentally and burnt out because keeping up the appearance was so tiring I could barely function.

Furthermore, my family definitely did not “get me” and my dad disciplined me severely for being who I was – a confused kid unable to communicate with teachers and peers, who was terrified of a world I did not quite understand and who often communicated inappropriately in a desperate effort to be heard. His side of the family with a few rare exceptions did treat me as a freak at best and a horrible kid at worst and the verbal response I received from them was, in some ways, harsher than the physical punishments. So yes, I have functional Aspergers and thank HEAVENS I got away from my dad and his family as an adult, found a great therapist and started being me all the time. And yes, even today a lot of people probably think I am a freak. I will never have 3000 facebook friends commenting on my every inane thought. People sometimes look at me strangely when I burst out with something that a “normal” person would have never said because it is “socially unacceptable”.

I also have the benefit of knowing who my friends are. I don’t collect acquaintances because I cannot, for the life of me, see the point. Thank you Aspergers! My mind moves at a speed faster than those normal people. It may make me freaky but it also allowed me to quit my job, find an opportunity in my field and now I run my own company. At 11 you are dealing with what is right in front of you. I get that. And I am not going to make you promises that I know won’t come true. To survive socially in middle school and high school you have two choices – lie or don’t lie knowing your friends may not really be your friends and it may take you a long time to find new ones who accept you for you. As for your family, if you are being abused physically or verbally you need to find a trusted adult – even if it is just a school counselor – and tell them. Tell EVERYONE. The worst mistake I made as a kid was shouldering my family’s abuse on my own, hiding it from everyone and thinking it was my fault. You are not a freak. You deserve to live a safe, healthy, happy life being you. If anyone is abusing you, that is wrong. RUN do not walk to someone you trust and TELL. Life is hard enough with Aspergers but it should NEVER be so hard that you have no safe place in your life. If I read that wrong and you’re not being abused – rather you’re using this as an example – but still feel like you cannot be yourself, I recommend you have a talk with a trusted family member be it your mom, or your dad or a grandparent, aunt or whatever. Be honest with them, have them support you. Family is supposed to be the people you can be yourself. And if you are in safe home environment, I think it is worth it to give them and YOU a chance to get to know you. I waited for years to let my Mom’s side of the family get to know me and I wish I had been honest with me and them sooner. They don’t always get me or understand me and sometimes I do things they don’t like, but they accept me and love me. Everyone deserves that and at 11, I hope you find that for yourself. Because you deserve to be yourself, and to be supported in that effort, be safe and be loved.

My best beginning was getting out of an abusive relationship. When I started anew and learned to love myself. My life complete changed.