lifeinflux

The New House Report: What doesn’t kill you makes you something else, right?

// February 22nd, 2011 // No Comments » // Entertainment, Fashion & Design

I had no idea when we started our house projects that I wouldn’t have a single finished room by February 2011.   After all we’ve been in this house for what, six months??  Don’t get me wrong – each room is partially finished and totally livable.   I’d blame the puppies but really the only things they’ve done is ruin two rugs, three plants, require the entire house to be steam cleaned and put kitchen decorating and the new drapes on hold.  So really, I could blame them for a lot.  *smile*   However, there is no reason why I cannot finish the bathroom, my room, Drue’s room and Jason’s room.  I suppose it is a combination of sheer inertia after a day of picking up after the puppies.   And Drue’s room and the bathroom are almost finished so there is really no reason why I shouldn’t suck it up and get those two rooms DONE this weekend, since we are chained to the house until we place six of our eight puppies in their forever homes. We started with the bathroom and Drue’s room first. The bathroom was a necessity since we only have one and Drue’s room is always first to ensure she has a place to study, practice and hide amidst all the chaos. We also wanted to get the front yard in shape before the rains came in and that was no easy task, let me tell you. The first challenge was working within the current color scheme of the house that can best be described as “old lady”. Luckily the walls are a mottled eggshell ergo not too bad but the sea of blue and mauve carpet is a challenge and the pink curtains are disgusting. Not only are they dusty and smelly but they are PINK and we knew that eventually they would have to go.

The first order of business was spending a little time pulling out all the disgusting, old shelf paper in our closets. The linen closets were, by far, the worst and we spent the better part of a weekend stripping out two layers of shelf paper, washing the shelves in bleach and letting them dry in the sunshine. Finally, after 2 days of hard labor, all three hall closets were ready for linens, camping gear and other items (see thumbnails above). The next week, we tackled the kitchen and by the Sunday after we moved in (we got there on August 4th), the kitchen cabinets had fresh shelf paper and all the items in our kitchen were sparkling clean and placed within easy grasp for cooking, baking and other fun kitchen projects. We decided to embrace the blue and ignore the godawful mauve and pink colors in the house. We figured we could temper everything with a palette of blues, creams, and rich browns and hope people did not notice the fact that the bedroom’s had carpet the color of Pepto Bismol mixed with a heavy dose of mud. Replacing shelf paper is the most obnoxious task in the world and the older and moldier it is, the harder it is to come off. After scraping as much paper off as we could, we finally purchased shelf paper remover and a steamer and steamed the first layer off. The second layer required a heavier hand and we found a seriously toxic shelf paper dissolver that we may never use again. After peeling off a layer or two of our skin, and requiring us to air out the shelves before we washed them, the shelves were ready for cleaning. Usually I am not an advocate of bleach but the mold on most of our shelves was pervasive so we used a one part bleach, two parts hot water solution and scrubbed each shelf until they were clean and white (their original color). After leaving them outside a day and a night in the summer heat, we were comfortable enough with them to reshelf paper them with a lovely paper in blues and whites with a gentle linen scent for the linen closet. The big hall closet got a face lift via a new coat of paint on the outside and fun blue and brown polka dot shelf paper on the inside. I loved that shelf paper so much, we decided to paper the kitchen shelves with it! Luckily after the agony of removing the shelf paper in the hall, the kitchen was a thousand times easier and most of the gaudy 1970s gold and brown flower shelf paper peeled right up. We cleaned off the wood kitchen shelves using hot water and Murphy’s Oil Soap and after letting everything dry overnight, papered the shelves with glorious, fun blue and brown polka dots and called it a job well done when we were finished.

Once the kitchen was in order – albeit not done – but usable and clean, we devised a plan for Drue’s room and the bathroom that would take a few months of heavy furniture and accessory shopping to complete. We also hoped to have the living room in good shape by Christmas but not worry about finishing it until after the holidays. Our goal was to finish both Drue’s room and the bathroom right after Christmas. We failed in meeting that goal. In fact, it is now approaching the tail end of February and we still aren’t finished. However, as of this weekend, we will have the final accessories for both rooms and an idea for drapes for Drue’s room and I plan on finishing them both by this Sunday, come hell, high water or additional puppy poop. The living room was put on hold once we realized Sunny had infested the house with fleas (no new curtains until all the additional puppies are gone and ALL our dogs are treated with Front Line) and once we replace both carpets Sunny destroyed when she decided to decorate the entire front of the living room with diarrhea. But enough about that. So right now the plan is as follows:

February
1. Finish Drue’s room (drapes on long window, art work framed and hung, art over bed mounted, floor steam cleaned and room dusted and cleaned by Sunday
2. Paint ceiling and door in bathroom, hang art, buy additional vase for cabinet, clean bathroom by Sunday.
3. Finish organizing my creative space in my room, hang the additional white boards and my photographs, determine where the scanner will live permanently, steam clean my carpets, dust and clean room by 3/1/2011.
4. Purchase drapes for two windows by 3/1/2011.
5. Paint Jays’ room. Construct new armoire, hang pictures and purchase two Billy bookcases by 3/1/2011.

March
6. Once the puppies are out, steam clean the entire living room and hall.

May
7. Once second dose of Front Line is on dogs and final Capstar treatment given, steam clean the entire living room and hall. Replace ugly pink drapes with new blue and beige drapes (@5/1/2011).
8. Build roof over outside patio. Purchase dining room table, chairs, buffet and hang tin paintings and lanterns (before Drue’s birthday).

June
9. Once puppies are potty trained, bring in new rugs to living room and purchase pillows for big beige couch (@6/15/2011)
10. Purchase outside seating and pergola by 6/15/2011.
11. Determine budget to purchase wrought iron bed frame and desired mattress. Replace dresser and bedside table over the course of 2011.
12. Jays will purchase bed frame, mattress and navy, white and beige accessories for room including new drapes.
13. Finish kitchen including new drapes for window, herb garden on window sills, new rug for floor and all my new Le Creuset pieces.

Honestly, all that really matters is that we are MOVED, moved in and the house is finished before we hit the one year mark here. But then, I’m crazy like that.

Confessions of a Pottery Barn Junkie

// December 28th, 2010 // 2 Comments » // Entertainment, Fashion & Design

While I usually hit Ikea for most my furniture needs – in my defense I have a loving but clumsy 11 year old – this year I invested in “big girl” furniture. No, no, not furniture for the husky set… just more grown-up and put together than past furniture choices.

Typically I shy away from big name furniture stores. Not only do they generate pieces everyone in the world owns, they are usually overpriced and under-quality. I know this because Jason usually accompanies me when I furniture shop as “heavy lifting responsibilities” were the first thing addressed in our divorce decree before we even got to the secondary business of child custody and who gets the cat if she murders me in my sleep. However, Jason cannot just sit idly by, twiddling his thumbs awaiting that moment when I need him to move some bulky package from its place in the store to the rooftop of my car and then into my house, some assembly required. The man has a knowledge of furniture (I blame his dad who is a master craftsman) and an inner gay man and both come out to play, every single time I try to make a purchase. Early in our pre-divorce stage – you know, that thing called marriage – I took Jason into a Rooms To Go store and watched him fall down on the floor twitching before we made it past the first room. After saving him from near death, Jays took me through every room, moving furniture around and remarking on the cheap screws, poor quality of wood and whether I was looking at the right shade of taupe. Eventually, he would speak the words that would come to define our six years together (and the six since), “I can make something like this but better!” Twelve years later, I still don’t have end tables.

One thing Jays and I did agree on is Pottery Barn. Buying from Pottery Barn is a little like selling out for a big music contract after years as a successful and beloved indie rocker. I’m looking at YOU, Liz Phair. After years of purchasing custom made or Ikea furniture (and Ikea is not selling out… it’s Swedish!), and after moving to Palo Alto where the largest Pottery Barn store of all time exists, I ventured in to look at their ornaments, and only their ornaments, I swear so help me God. I can think of no better explanation than the truth – I was bedazzled. Pottery Barn has more shiny, glittery, over-priced, gorgeous crap than exists anywhere else on the planet except maybe the Apple Store. If you want silver picture frames to go with the silver and brass candlestick holders that match the candle wall sconces in your living room (oh, and look we have random things in cranberry, plum, olive, taupe and soft blue in this bin, and this bin, and this bin to add a flash of color to your shiny glittery stuff), you can purchase it all right here from this one table! And we have helpful people stationed all over the store to take your ridiculously full basket up to the counter and provide you an empty one so you have no idea that you’re purchasing thousands of dollars of crap that eventually will become magnets for dust and cat hair! Oh, I’m sorry… did you almost fall over our mission style coffee table? We have those in stock too! And did you mention that your ex-husband never delivered on those promised end tables before the divorce? We have some… and they MATCH!

I’m telling you right now, Pottery Barn is evil. In 30 minutes and two rooms, I had three baskets of candle holders, tea lamps, silver dusted pine cones, musical notes stars, candles of every size and was just about to snatch up two matching end tables, when Jason and Drue came in. Drue immediately was lured in by the Christmas tree candles, silver stick reindeer and porcelain Santa Claus display. Luckily, Jason caught sight of a piece of furniture, realized the nails weren’t doing whatever nails are supposed to do, tucked Drue under his arm, grabbed me by the hand and informed us all that we were out of there. But like any good junkie, I needed my fix. So I talked Jason into letting me purchase what was in my basket and we headed over to the cash register.

Have you ever owned two bunnies and all of a sudden, those two rabbits become six rabbits and you’re wondering why you ever thought two rabbits were a good idea? This perfectly describes my checkout experience at Pottery Barn. The lovely lady behind the register rang up the basket I took with me to the counter. A couple hundred dollars popped up on the display and I thought, “this is not so bad”. And then another basket appeared. Jason nudged me and asked “is that YOUR stuff?” and before I could answer, the person ringing up my stuff immediately assured him that it was. I settled in, ignoring Jason’s looks of incredulity, prepared to just accept the damage whatever it may be… and then ANOTHER basket appeared. By this time, I’m having hot flashes. Jason’s eyes are boring holes in the side of my face and, from my periphery, I can see he’s trying to figure out the safest way to broach the fact that I have now purchased 11 candle holders of various size and structure for enough money to feed an entire small third world nation. Finally, he settles on something, leans over and in a dramatic whisper asks “where are you going to put all of this”? My reply of “the mantle” had him measuring out the size of the mantle from memory right there in the store. “Jeri, only half of these candle thingies are going to fit!” Realizing he was right, I immediately began justifying my purchases by reminding Jason that 1) I have the sofa table and 2) the television cabinet has room on it and 3) that candles are pretty and 4) to leave me alone, damnit.

After we got home and put all the candle holders, glittery pine cones, and other swag out, I had to admit that Jason was right. Three lonely tea light holders, and the huge wood bowl I could NOT live without, in fact, had no place to live. But that’s okay. Yesterday changed all that…. right after Jason put together my new coffee table… from IKEA.