lifeinflux

Confessions of a PMP CDO DRP

// November 15th, 2012 // No Comments » // Featured Post

I have a confession.  I love to travel.  I love to travel for business, I love to travel for pleasure.  I love being gone for weeks on end or just a quick weekend heading out for an adventure somewhere else.   I have another confession.  I love throwing parties.  People in my house, eating good food, listening to great music, chatting up a storm and having a good time is my version of a good time.  And for reasons I cannot quite explain, I have not indulged in either for a really long time.  Granted, until recently I haven’t really had an opportunity to travel for business.  Additionally, when I travel for fun, I like bringing my kid along because, well, she’s a lot of fun to have around.   Her recent homeschool schedule makes travel difficult during the school year.  And I know parents who elect to educate their children in a public or private school setting run into this all the time.  But one HUGE attraction of homeschooling Drue was having the freedom to go where we wanted, when we wanted.  And sometimes that works – we are heading to South America in December by way of Mexico and the Panama Canal in a few weeks – and sometimes it doesn’t.

As for the lack of parties, my primary issue is the size of my postage stamp home in Palo Alto.  I have a huge backyard (that is a PITA to maintain and keep nice enough to have folks out there) but if it is cold or if it rains, that puts everyone in my house and the house itself is not very party friendly.  It’s a narrow U shape and the majority of the square footage is bedroom space.  And while it’s fun to type “party in my bedroom”, the reality is that I really don’t want 20 people hanging out in my private space.   You know?     I haven’t been very motivated to do much with this house since our plan since two summers ago is to move out of this house and somewhere else as soon as we can.  That date – next summer – is quickly approaching but not being able to host has left me feeling that something is lacking in my life and has made my home a less enjoyable place for me to be.   It’s a nice retreat from the traveling and the parties and fun at other people’s houses but not really a place where I can invite more than say 10 people at a time and feel relatively assured that we won’t be breathing in each other’s stink

The third thing that makes me very happy is feeling organized.  I know this is my OCD but it really does help me structure my days and make long term goals that are feasible.   And, as crazy as this sounds, having my life organized allows me to be more spontaneous.   I know I’m about to sound like a project manager here but when my life is scoped out appropriately, I can identify gaps in my time where I can afford to drop everything and go do wild, fun, unplanned things.   Additionally by knowing when things are due, and having a list of personal and professional milestone and deliverables list, I know when I can throw caution to the wind and do wild, fun, unplanned things.   So then when someone says, “let’s go to Europe for five days” (and by someone I may be referring to that little voice in my head), I can look at my life project plan and say, “Yes, I can totally do that!!  Let me shuffle these three things, send two emails and deliver one thing early and then let’s totally GO to EUROPE for five days.  Hell, let’s make it SIX!”  See!  Spontaneous!

2013 is gearing up to be a crazy, fantastic, amazing year and I am really looking forward to it for a plethora of reasons that I will get into at a later date.  And to prepare for that I’m looking at my personal goals, professional deliverables and a long list of “want to do’s” and figuring out when to do what.  And I’ll be bringing in as many fun, awesome, wonderful people into the fun as possible (and will let me).   So let the planning begin!!!

A moment’s pause to check-in

// November 14th, 2012 // No Comments » // Featured Post

To say I haven’t taken a moment’s pause since my birthday would be a GRAND understatement.   My work and my social life have taken on, well, lives of their own so to speak.  And usually this would be a great justification to neglect my own personal health and wellbeing but this time around, I’m struggling to set realistic boundaries for myself and work on my own personal health and to follow my own personal list of Do’s and Don’ts.   I also gave myself permission (again) to put off my 101 things list.  However, I decided to set a date in the near future to begin them so I merely moved the start date from my birthday to December 1st.   I’ve been traveling a bit for work (PA last week, Vancouver next week) and am hosting a little get-together at the beach this week.  Add in Thanksgiving, getting the house ready for Christmas, Jason leaving for Austria for seven days, making homemade Christmas cards, making Drue write her annual newsletter and quitting coffee and all soda, it’s been a busy time.

Yes, you read that correctly.  I quit coffee and all soda… Again.   For those in the know, I attempted this a few years back.  My first attempt had limited success and after three months I was sneaking soda in the car (doesn’t count), in other people’s homes (doesn’t count) and as a mixer with alcohol (really doesn’t count).  When I realized I was drinking soda at least three or four times a week (none of which counted, mind you), I figured it was time to just bring it back in the house and have it when it did count.  Because unless you bring it into the house, it totally doesn’t count.    I don’t remember if I felt awful or not when I quit caffeine the first time around but this time leaving caffeine felt akin to leaving an abusive relationship.    While downing 2 bowls of coffee per day (have you seen the size of my coffee cup?) and two to three diet sodas a day, I felt awful.  It was like being on a mental and emotional roller coaster.  I was fine during the act of caffeine consumption, I felt great for 20-30 minutes after and then my mood and ability to focus took a nose dive.  Lather, rinse, repeat over and over all day long.  Nights were difficult as well.  Around 10 PM I’d get that second burst of something – certainly not energy – that would ensure I could neither sleep nor focus.  So I’d vegetate in front of my iPad or television until I was ready to pass out sometime between midnight and 2 AM only to wake around 5 in order to attend a series of meetings starting at 5:30.  Insert bowl of coffee where applicable…

So I gave it up.  Day one was okay.  I was tired. No, I lie.  I was exhausted and all I could think was “x” more hours until I can take a nap.  Unfortunately, that nap never actually happened but I did pass out a little earlier that night.  The next morning was sheer, unmitigated hell on earth.  My head hurt like it has never hurt before.  For the first time ever, I understood what my mom goes through when she has one of her migraines that causes her to retreat to her dark room and just shut out the world.  Unfortunately, that day Drue had surfing, I had meetings and deliverables and I had a social engagement I’d put off a few times already so I popped two Advil, drank a ton of water and prayed the next day would be better.  It wasn’t.  Nor was the next day.  But the day after that, the headache began to dissipate and by the end of week one, I was headache free and completely exhausted.   I called my doctor who reminded me I was due for a myriad of blood tests including checking my Vitamin D and my thyroid so I popped into the lab and had the technician take as many vials of blood as she wanted.  Then I called my tea dude in Chinatown and went on a tea cleanse for a few days which gave me a small boost of caffeine and helped cleanse my system and restore hydration.  By day three I felt so much better, I cannot even begin to describe it.

Luckily that good feeling carried me through my trip to PA.  However, I am still pretty tired and after tracking my sleep for the past month, realize I only average about six hours of sleep a night.   That simply has to change as I really do so much better with 7 and 1/2 to eight hours per night.   Additionally, this week I received the news that my Vitamin D level is incredibly low – it’s 13 when it should be between 30 and 100 – which also contributes to my general exhaustion.  So I am on a new vitamin D treatment for the next ten weeks whereupon we’ll reevaluate where I am and see what our next steps are.    Now that I’ve tackled caffeine my next goal is to get my roughly eight hours of sleep per night, a task that is incredibly difficult because a) I don’t like missing ANYTHING and b) am a night owl but c) am now getting up at 5 AM most mornings due to early meetings and/or surfing.  So yeah… if you know of a way to convert from a night owl to a morning person, please let me know.   To further that goal (aka wear me out every day), Drue and I are going to hit the gym or do something that forces us to break into a nice, big sweat daily.  Not only does it help her stay in shape for tackling the waves but it wears me out enough that an earlier bedtime is slightly more attractive than usual.  And by slightly I mean I am starting to recognize that passing out upright or at an uncomfortable angle on the couch is not nearly as awesome as falling asleep in my own bed.

So yeah, busy, busy.  And, really, life is just so darn enjoyable at the moment that even with my malaise, I am still excited to go to work every day.  I’m excited to hang out with friends and I look forward to tackling the 101 in a better state of mind and health than I was at even a month ago.

A moment of gut clenching truth

// October 16th, 2012 // 2 Comments » // Featured Post, Life

Roughly a month ago, I saw a great post on MightyGirl about Maggie’s list of personal do’s and don’ts. I loved the idea of actually writing down a list for myself and, in doing so, realize that I carry a lot of hidden anger and latent resentment towards certain situations and occasionally even some really awesome people in my life because of my inability to maintain personal boundaries and to say no. The (sad? funny? insane?) thing is that this is not the first time I have put together a list of things I need to do to maintain Jeri optimal health As I read through my past list(s), I realized a startling pattern. Every time I’ve sat down and stated that I need to do certain, specific things to get healthy, keep myself sane and find balance in my life, within a week or two I take on new challenges or tasks that guarantee I won’t have the time, energy or fortitude to set myself on a path for personal success regarding my own wellbeing.

For example, in 2007, it was not enough that I was working 60-70 hour weeks, I had to take on running Drue’s school Talent Show. In 2008, when work slacked off a little after my promotion I took on Drue’s school’s Drama Club. In 2009, I quit my job and started running my own company and took the school Drama Club to the next level. 2010 was a good year – I finally stopped saying yes to other people and identified where I wanted to live (California) and who I wanted as clients (companies as opposed to the government) and took huge, all-consuming steps to make that happen by August. Then, in January of 2011 when life got on an even keel and I determined I needed to spend some time and energy on myself and my own personal interests, I then disrupted the balance by bringing in eight puppies and their mother into our home for four months, homeschooling Drue, and expanding my business by hiring employees and taking on additional contracts. And the list keeps going…

While I don’t regret any of these actions and have met wonderful people, learned a lot about myself and others and had a great time doing almost all of them, I’ve spent the last few days asking myself why I constantly commit 110% of myself to everything else thereby guaranteeing I have very little left for myself. Last week I stumbled across Stephanie Zamora’s site on personal development and purposeful living and read her post on How to Embrace the Void so You Can Live a Life of Passion, Joy and Fulfillment. Reading this post was the emotional equivalence to being hit with a Mack truck. I realized that instead of owning my emotions and allowing myself to feel what I feel, I stuff them down using anything and everything I can find to distract me or that allows me to hide whatever disappointments, hurts or other negative emotions I might be feeling. All of that type-A, work-a-holic, robotic type behavior is not because this is who I am but rather what I am hiding behind. And rather than say, “I am feeling _________________” or “I need ___________________”, I take on a new challenge or say yes to something when I really want to say no. And then the resentment begins, and it becomes someone else’s fault.

A most recent example of this is the almost martyr-like attitude I’ve taken with Drue’s homeschooling. Any issue Drue has with her own schooling must be MY fault because I am her mom and her teacher; therefore, I should read more books, revamp her work schedule, sign her up for a new class or two or three, make those extra drives down to San Jose so she can be with her friends, etc. etc. etc. Rather than let her take some accountability and fail (OHMILORD – does that reflect on me as her parent and teacher?) or succeed on her own merit and hard work, something she should be allowed to do, I become resentful of the time homeschooling takes away from other areas of my life and she becomes resentful of me treating her as a problem to solve. And really she’s not a problem to solve – this was just one more way for me to focus on something other than the truth of how I feel the disruption in my day, my work and my creative process that comes with having her home, the constant interruptions, driving her to programs, and all the other challenges that come with homeschooling. And that truth is coming out slowly as I allow myself to admit it to myself and remind myself constantly that not liking certain things and not wanting to do certain things does not make me a bad parent or a bad person.

So last night I sat down and wrote out my own personal list of Do’s and Don’ts. What would be on YOUR Do’s and Don’t list?

Me vs. the DMV, Part II

// January 10th, 2012 // 1 Comment » // Featured Post

I think part of my dislike of the DMV is a bit self-fulfilling.  For example, my original appointment was Wednesday and I had every document I needed except my birth certificate and marriage license.  I remembered my divorce decree but the identification proving I was a citizen of the good ole USA and the one document I own showing why my name has changed (as opposed to the cool made-up reason which is that I am actually wanted in 11 states for snatching candy from babies but more on that later) were not on my person.  Jays, bless his heart, ran from the DMV to the house and back again.  Unfortunately we were one hour past our designated appointment time.  So we had two choices.  We could wait in the no-appointment line which was already at a 2 hour plus wait just to get a number to get the entire process started (NOT) or we could come back on Thursday at 8:30 in the morning and start the process anew.  We’ll take door B, thank you very much.  So home we went and up at the ungodly hour of 5 AM on the day of our second appointment.  I’d like to say I was up that early to fluff and blow out my hair but I was actually up to take a few calls from the east coast for work.  However, I did manage to do something with my hair and even slap on a little make-up before we rushed out the door to make our 8:30 appointment.  We walked in five minutes early, and were promptly sent off to have the car checked to get the paperwork for registering the vehicle in California.  I think the guy who inspected my car has seen it all because he did not blink at my circa 2006 North Carolina registered license plate.  He checked the VIN, put some information into his iPhone, signed a few things, grunted a few times and sent us back in 9 minutes after we pulled my car into the inspection line.

Once back inline, I quickly received my number and sat for a mere 11 minutes before being called to complete the documentation portion and to get my registration.   DMV had upgraded their system a week prior and the poor lady I was working with had to redo my information three times.  First she typed the wrong address.  Then she used my maiden name on the registration. Then she could not cancel out the license with my maiden name and had to enter my name as an AKA which would have me flagged at every airport security desk across the nation.  We finally got it straightened out only to find out that my copy of the title would not get me registered in California.  I called my bank and it seems they sent my title to North Carolina to the address my car was registered in (insert Homer-like D’oh!) and would have to reissue my title to me in California.  This process would take oh… maybe 30 to 45 days.  Sigh.  Usually I would not qualify for a temporary tag but after the license fiasco she went to her supervisor and was granted approval to issue a 3 month temp tag.  Woot!   From this line I moved to the picture line and then picked up my test.   I had to wait for a cubby to open so I had a moment to flip through the California drivers manual which later benefited me immensely.  Finally a cubby was available and I moved over to take my drivers written test.

The first thing I noticed is that we have WAY cooler driving tests in the South.   For example, do you know what the required mileage is if you must pass a tractor who is approaching you on a two lane, unmarked dirt road?   It’s 15 miles per hour UNLESS there are cows present in an unfenced pasture approaching the road whereupon you pull to the side and allow the cow AND the tractor to pass before proceeding down the road at 25 miles per hour.  Thank you, Texas Driving School for that bit of knowledge.   And did you know that if you are driving within 3 miles of   pig farm in North Carolina, you should slow to 35 miles per hour to ensure proper stopping distance in case one of those smelly critters gets loose?  Well, now you do.   But alas, California did not have any random questions like that.  They did ask when it is acceptable to smoke in a car when a child is present and the answer is never (as opposed to when it’s your child which is what I originally thought the right answer would be).   However, there were no questions about driving in or around pot farms or what is the acceptable amount of medical marijuana you can carry around with you while operating a motor vehicle.   Some people, and by some I mean Jason, did not get a perfect score on their written driving test. I, however, did and I was very sad when I did not receive a gold star or some other commendation for basically taking a picture of 37 pages of the California drivers manual and then applying those mad photographic memory skills towards acing my test.   Errrr, I mean, I studied hard and of course I did well.   Either way, I just wanted a little something that showed, say the police officer who might one day pull me for driving 85 on 280 that I am actually an EXCEPTIONAL driver.  You can tell by the gold star on my license that shows I aced my test.  See?!?!  However, the lady grading my test at the DMV was having none of that and answered “No” in a monotone when I asked for some physical proof that I had, in fact, blown my test out of the water with my amazing written driving skills smarts.  Or something.  I am not sure if I looked disappointed or if she just wanted me to shut up, but she did grab a yellow highlighter and draw a star on the front page of my test before handing it over and barking NEXT to the person behind me in line.

Finally, I was in the last line at the DMV and so darn grateful even though the entire experience was relatively painless and quick.  As I stood in my last line at the DMV, a small child caught my eye as he smooshed handfuls of Reece’s Pieces in his grubby little mouth at the grand ole hour of 9:15 in the morning.   He was not the only child in the DMV to be bribed with sugar.  In fact, part of my anxiety that morning stemmed from waiting to see which little sugar filled child beast was going to go off first in a sugar fueled rage.   I admit it, I held my breath and cursed that mother, the entire line in front of me, the state of California and the DMV when I realized he was at the end of his bag right about the same time he started shaking it upside down to figure out why more candy wasn’t magically appearing.  After a few moments, he threw the bag down, looked up at his mother and said, “Canny?”  His mother, arguing with some poor DMV official, ignored him.   So he got a little louder.  “CAN-ny!”   When that didn’t work, he started tugging on her shirt singing, “CAN-NY, CAN-NEE, CAAAANEEEEEE, CANNNNNEEEEEEEEEE!”   By this point half the DMV was paying attention to him, except his own mother.   Realizing he had an audience, albeit not the audience he wanted, he immediately stopped shrieking and looked around at all of us.  When he realized that none of us were rushing to feed his sugar fix, he carefully aligned himself between the rail and the counter, looked around to make sure he wouldn’t hit anything on the way down and then promptly threw his body down onto the concrete floor screaming “CAAAANNNNNNNNNEEEEEEYYY” until he hit the floor.   It is one of those times in your life when everything slows waaayyyy dooowwnnn because I swear it took 5 minutes for this child to hit the ground from barely 2 feet above.   And where the shrieking did not work, the smack to the ground sure did.  That women shrieked, threw her bag at the poor DMV official and flopped down on the ground next to her child providing something akin to comfort through hugs, and the promise of “Mamadidnothearyoubaby!  Mamagetyoumorecandy!”    She then leaped up, circled around and started eying all of us to see who she could possible beat up and steal candy from for her precious weeble wobble, now sitting up on the floor snuffling, huge crocodile tears rolling down his fat cheeks gasping out the  occasional sad  “cannnyyyy”  from his chubby bunny lips.    The woman finally spotted some poor man sitting down on a chair holding a Snickers bar, snatched up her purse, left her child lying on the floor and propelled herself in a few steps over to see what she could do about acquiring this man’s candy bar.  I am not sure what she said to him to get him to release that candy into her custody but I suspect the bill she handed him helped.   She leaped back to her child, handed him the candy, got him up and turned back to the DMV official to begin arguing again as if nothing out of the ordinary had happened.  Because I guess in her world, nothing did.

The rest of us were standing around a bit shell shocked and it took a few yells of “NEXT” from the DMV officials to get the line moving again.  Ten minutes later I was walking out of the DMV, temporary registration and license in hand and I realized something.   I had learned a great lesson that day.  And no, it’s not that doing the right thing and renewing your license and registration take little time and/or pain (especially now that I can renew online).  The lesson learned is that I am in the wrong business!   Yes, you read that correctly.  Why the hell do I work 50 hour weeks and run my own business when I could sit outside of the DMV each day, Costco candy box in hand and earn a small fortune sugaring up these children waiting inside the DMV?     Because even if I only charged a dollar for each candy bar (btw a box of 35 bars cost $9 at Costco, you do the math), I’d come out ahead and for little stress and minimal effort.  I walked back in to the DMV and spent a moment counting.   At that moment, there were 26 kids in the DMV and of those 26 kids, 11 were screaming because they had finished their candy, 9 still had their candy and were waiting in long lines and 7 had mean parents like me who would not give their child candy to bribe them if life on EARTH depended on them mowing down on that sucker at 9 AM on a Thursday.

I’m telling you.  Put your entrepreneur’s caps on, hit Costco and I’ll see you at the local DMV.   We’ll make a fortune and since it was my idea, don’t forget my 8% off the top.

 

Me vs. the DMV, Part 1

// January 4th, 2012 // 2 Comments » // Featured Post

I have a confession to make.  I hate going to the DMV.   I know, I know. You’re shocked right, because guess what?  YOU TOO hate going to the DMV.  And while I am sure our dislike of standing in line for hours and forking over hundreds of dollars to get a piece of plastic to carry around in our wallet and a plate of metal to attach to our car is mutual, I am sure that you have never gone to the great lengths I have to avoid the Department of Motor Vehicles.  So since I’ve already made one confession – and was assured by the nice lady on the DMV 866 number that no one reading this post could knock in the door to my house and seize my new California license and registration – I have a few more confessions to make to you that go a little something like this.  Before my recent foray into DMV purgatory to obtain my California license, registration and license plate, the following statements were 100% true:

1. I’ve lived in five states and only had drivers licenses from 2 of them since the age of oh… 17.
2. I’ve driven actively in every state I’ve lived in using those two drivers licenses since the age of 17.
3. I only switched my drivers license from the state of North Carolina to one issued in Virginia because my old drivers license was about to expire and I was going on a trip where I needed to obtain a rental car.
4. I’ve only renewed my registration once on one vehicle.
5. I’ve owned six vehicles in my 20 years of driving.

Now before you go crazy counting on your fingers and toes (and given how small these numbers are, aren’t the toes a bit excessive?), let’s just go ahead and put it out there.  While I was technically driving somewhat legally for the past 17 years, I was actually only literally driving legally for maybe 2 or 3 of those years.   I know, shame on me.  While we could focus on this one little naughtiness in a life time of being a relatively good person, I think we can just sum this up in a few words.

Kids, don’t try this at home.  And yes, I was DAMN lucky.Did I mention that California DMV assured me not once but four times that posting all of this would NOT, in fact, lead to my new and very legal license and registration being confiscated?  ‘Cause they did.   And I checked… nowhere on any form did they ask me any question where I would have had to confess all that I am sharing here.  Therefore I was completely and totally honest and non-fraudulent and what more could a state government agency want?  Right?

Now why, you might ask, would you not update your license and registration on a regular basis.  Well, I might reply, for one the license only expired once so I really only felt legally obligated to renew it once and since I was holding a North Carolina license and living in Virginia it made perfect sense to go ahead and get a Virginia one.  As for the lack of appropriate car registration and plates, I really have no excuse other than I meant to renew my registration at first and then never got around to it in North Carolina.  And then when I finally felt motivated to do something – say hypothetically because I was stopped by a police officer and the ticket he wrote compelled me to go to the DMV – something would miraculously happen to the car and I would just go buy another.   And with a new car comes a temporary tag, a new registration card and a notification that your permanent plate is in the mail.   For someone like me that’s fantastic because in the time I would have spent at the DMV, I not only have all the documentation that state requires but I have a shiny new car, too!   WIN!

My little Vibe has moved from North Carolina to Virginia and now to California with me and maintained her awesome “First in Flight” plates from the moment they arrived in the mail that humid July day back in 2005 until today when a lovely DMV inspector checked the plate, sighed in exasperation and completed the form to start the process down the road towards receiving my shiny, new California plate.   Now don’t get me wrong – I meant to register my car in Virginia and even went to the DMV and everything!  I took the day off work, stood in line patiently,  and filled out my forms.  Wait no, I lie.  I was there to renew my soon-to-expire drivers license… you know, the one I needed to renew because I needed a rental car, remember?   So I figured, hell, I’m here already… might as well, right?   So I moved from the drivers license line to the registration line, waited (and waited…) and finally got to the desk to find out that the Commonwealth of Virginia does not just require fees to register your vehicle but the right arm of your first born as well!  Given I like Drue with two arms (you reading this all you sharks in the ocean?  TWO ARMS on that kid!), I decided to do the Mom thing and not let them take one off.  Well okay maybe it was the fact my car had not depreciated much in value and Virginia wanted 8% of the value of the car in that year’s fees.  Yes, you read correctly.  8%!   And this was at a time when I was pulling in $1300 every two weeks and my rent was $1500 a month.   Now’s when you should bring out those toes and do your counting.

So knowing Virginia was a pit stop in the life that is mine, I decided to wait until I moved to renew my car’s registration.  And secretly I hoped I would sell the car before that day arrived.   Or that it would get stolen… or smashed by a runaway Virginia snowplow.  Sadly, none of these things happened.  So off I went to the DMV yet again compelled by something other than the really, really, really expired plates living on the boot of my car.  But well, we’ll get into all of that tomorrow…

2011 in Review

// January 1st, 2012 // No Comments » // Featured Post

No one summed up 2011 better than Drue in her fabulous end of year newsletter to family and friends.  If you did not get your copy, don’t fret!  You can find it here on Lifeinflux!

(more…)

Confessions of a Type O personality

// August 25th, 2011 // 4 Comments » // Featured Post

  A few weeks ago, a co-worker at one of my client’s sites asked me if I knew what my personality was.  My response was “not really” which is not 100% the truth.  The truth, however, would have taken awhile to explain and both of us had just finished outlining our priority lists.  In a nutshell, it was not the right time to go into my own personal journey into personality test hell and even if it was, I’m not sure I want to go there with someone I work with on a daily basis.  You know, as opposed to going into therewith the entire Internet… but that’s a different matter entirely.  Anyway,  after years of being referred to as “Type A” while knowing I don’t fit the classic characteristics of a Type A personality, I am reluctant to use that as a fallback because, well I’m not.  Am I a workaholic?  Sure.  I’ll take that one right on the chin.  But I am not characteristically rude (okay there’s the Aspie thing but that has nothing to do with whether I am Type A or not and all about YOU accepting that if you ask me a question, you’re going to get an honest answer), I’m a pretty patient person, and I don’t have the short fuse that is generally associated with your typical Type A.   I am a bit of a control freak over my own life but have no desire to control yours… or yours… or well, yours either for that matter.    And yours, well you’re such a train wreck, I want no part of yours (sorry, Aspie moment).

At one point I was all about finding out “who I am” during and right after I left college.  I dated a guy who loved Myers-Briggs personality tests and carried around a little book that had a series of assessments that he would fire off to people at random.  And by random I mean we could be having a drink at a local bar and next thing you know, he’s harassing some poor soul who had the misfortune to sit next to me and say hi.  The conversation would go a little like this:  “Wow, that was brazen.  I mean I’m sitting right here.  You know, you’re probably an ESFJ which is why you would say hello to a girl who is obviously dating the guy she’s sitting next to!  No, wait.  Oops, my bad – she  forgot to write “I’m with him” in sharpie across her forehead with a little arrow pointing to where I’m sitting.  We’re having some trouble with that aspect of our relationship. I think she’s an ISTP but she won’t take the test again so we can really narrow down this passive aggressive tendency of hers…”   Yeah, that little romance didn’t last long.   And while I could blame the lack of romance factor or the embarrassment of him quizzing complete strangers in every social venue imaginable, what really did me in was the “freak” label he threw at me after weeks of trying to figure me out and failing.   I wrote off Myers-Briggs as “Jung in the box” for social losers to use to label others and moved on.  Classic personality types failed to categorize me as well as an old boss learned when he would complain one day of my “typical type A patterns” and then the next  groan about how “type B nnd passive” I was.   Sure, I can see the problem… I’m a workaholic (type A) who is productive and adaptive in stressful situations (type B), but who also loses my MIND if my time is wasted because of your ineptitude, ignorance or your inability to admit YOU JUST DON’T KNOW (yep this is type A… so, so type A).   I also have a raging, functional case of OCD (type A) with controlled lifestyle habits (type B).    I’m spontaneous (type B) except when I’m not (type A).  To really confuse you, I’m also a deep thinker as in I need a plan (oh Hi, type C!!) and I’ve been called a robot and emotionally repressed (type C) more than a few times in my life.  Granted the last time those labels were flung at me was a few jobs back when my married boss was hitting on me and I was so clueless I had no idea until half the company decided to inform me but hey, who’s counting.  Oh wait, I am (type A).   Since I am pretty asserted and emotional when I want to be (or am compelled to be) and since the usual robot/emotional repression issue comes up after using the word “NO” I’m not going to lend much weight to the argument that I have repression issues.   And that said, if you know me, you know I have no problem with being assertive (type A) when the situation calls for it (type B).

The reality is that I’m not really good with labels and I certainly don’t fit into any one’s neat little box.   For those of you not familiar with Jung or the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator (little navy blue book? You know the one carried around by pseudo-intellectuals and SNAGs all through the 90s? No?) here’s a quick summary.  So, according to Jung, individuals are either born with, or develop, certain preferred ways of thinking and acting.   Myers and Briggs broke this up into four opposite pairs, with a resulting 16 possible psychological types and theorized that individuals naturally prefer one overall combination of type differences.   So you’re either extroverted or introverted, sensing or intuitive, a thinker or a feeler, or judgmental vs. perceptive.  And while Myers and Briggs acknowledge you might have characteristics of both, the entire theory is that you have dominant traits, either inherent or evolved, that lend to your preferred way of thinking and acting.   When I moved into human capital management I was surprised at how often the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator came up.   HR (and many managers) use the MBTI during interviews.  What, you think that list of questions HR came up with is random?  Surprise, surprise – it’s not.   As I delved deeper in HCM theory and philosophies, I started taking more personality tests. I even top graded myself.  And while the results were clear as to what “team” I am on (the A team… haha!  Got to love 80s television/hot Bradley Cooper movie references), I have frustrated more than a few HR team members.  Why, you might ask?  Well, just as one cannot ascribe a handedness to me – that’s right folks, I’m ambidextrous to the point I do not have a dominant hand – for reasons I sort of understand, I fall right in the middle of the MBTI spectrum.  This makes me neither predominantly extroverted or introverted, neither predominantly sensing or intuitive, I think or I feel as the situation calls for it and while I can be extremely judgmental, I am also incredibly perceptive.   Basically, this means if I am judging you, there is a damn good reason why.  And you don’t like me at ALL for it.

I think a lot of this has to do with my upbringing.  When you’re raised in an environment where nothing is constant or consistent you get really, really good at figuring out who you are supposed to be and how you are supposed to act at that moment and then adjust accordingly.  Because if you don’t, no good – and potentially, physical harm – could come from adapting incorrectly.   And while in high school I was well on the road to becoming a pathological liar with no identity or sense of self, it did help me in college and in the job market in my early 20s because I was a complete chameleon.  I could figure out very quickly who you wanted me to be, be that person and make you happy.  But since I wasn’t happy, and frankly, because it is exhausting being someone else,  I burned out on the role, on the person and on the situation.  So then I dropped out, quit and/or moved on.  I met a LOT of people while I was between the ages of 16 and 25, liked few of them and really don’t know what happened to them or care (sorry, Aspie moment).  I might have grown up to be some sort of psychotic (what? it’s genetic.  trust me – go look at the side of the family I have nothing to do with) but then a crazy thing happened.  I got pregnant at 24 and started wanting to know who I was, fundamentally, as a human being.  And after years of therapy, and many, many personality tests, someone very wise (and well paid) therapist told me that who I am has little or nothing to do with some notion of “personality type” as ascribed to me by some test.  That personality tests are nothing more than a convenient, and only sometimes accurate, way to put people in a little, comfortable box.   So while I am still highly adaptive and still test right down the middle on the MBTI, I also recognize that I, like you and you (and well, not you, you really are kind of freaky), am simply me.  I am an individual and therefore made up of the sum of all my parts.  And while others may need to label me (and boy can you pick from your labels – Aspie, OCD, ginger, etc), I really have no need to label myself.  Except, you know, when I do.   And that’s good enough for me.  Except when it’s not… and then I schedule another therapy session or call up one of my most excellent confidantes and chat it out and all is well for another day.  But don’t worry – there’s always tomorrow. 

So what personality box have you or others stuck you with in the ongoing, life-long pursuit to label yourself?

On the road to living the Ultimate Life

// August 1st, 2011 // No Comments » // Featured Post

A few days ago, two friends of mine took off 2 months to take a 30 day bike trip through Europe and the UK as well as pursue additional adventures here in the US upon their return.  I had the pleasure of speaking to one of them the day before they left and, naturally, my first question was, “how can you guys do this?”   Her response was, “well we decided we wanted to do this, we saved and we’re doing it!”   Talk about inspiring words, words that sum up perfectly exactly how I want to live my life, and really the ultimate key to personal success.   And the timing of that conversation could not be better.  Just last week, I was chatting with Drue about my 101 in 1001.   Drue, in that wisdom kids often bring to the table (presuming we, the adults, are willing to listen), pointed out that if I really wanted to do all of the 101 things on my list, I’d do them already and not procrastinate, using my work and Drue’s schedule as a convenient excuse for not getting certain things done.  When I mentioned my lack of proper lenses to properly capture some of my tasks, the need to save for upcoming trips, hardware expansions in the business, etc. Drue reminded me that I would never take those excuses from her so she was going to do me a favor and not take them from me.  From that discussion, the new and improved (and oh so exciting to me!) 101 things in 1001 days list was born and I have happily removed  a few items that I felt I ought to do and added on a few items I want to do.    For example, at this point in my career, I would get more benefit out of taking courses towards certifications than work towards my Bachelors Degree (#42).   I also won’t feel as… stymied taking short online courses and weekend workshops towards my certification as I would being trapped in a multi-month classroom or online course.   Part of living the Ultimate Life is being to go where I want to go, when I want to go and achieving a work/life balance that allows me to pursue my passions while achieving my work goals.

But am I already living my Ultimate Life?  I would say, in a way, yes I am.   Because I don’t really define living the Ultimate Life as the end game, necessarily.   For me, a huge part of living the ultimate life is the journey it takes to get there and my goals, especially from the last two years,  are the keys to my success in living this life, the life that I want.    Since I am not a static creature, and since I have not yet reached the point of dropping everything for a few months of Ultimate Living, I am still on the road of my journey.  I am still working towards that ultimate goal.   That said, I absolutely can take a long weekend or week here and there and disconnect or work away from my home base, traveling and doing ultimate, fun things.  Two years ago, I was not in that position.   A year ago I was not in that position.   So I feel pretty good about the path I’ve taken, learning from others who have taken similar paths and, in doing their own thing and meeting their own goals, are already living their definition of an ultimate life.

To borrow from a long going Nike campaign, sometimes you have to get out there and just do it.   I think that’s indicative of exercise, living your ultimate life or tackling your 101 things in 1001 days.   An explanation of why certain things were crossed off my 101 list are below, if you’re interested.  In the coming days, the list will be moved to a top navigation page where I can link to each item, jot down my progress and capture pictures taken as I go about enjoying each item on my list.  Drue and I also started building our Ultimate Life List.  This is a list of places we often talk about visiting (or things we really want to do in particular places).  We decided it would be fun to stop talking about it, and start planning when and how we will go about each adventure.  My hope is that, as she gets older and lives her own Ultimate Life, on her own terms, that she’ll want her ole Mom along on some of her adventures.    Enjoy the new lists! And please, feel free to share any advice you have on achieving some of my 101 things, suggestions for the Ultimate Life List or even your own life adventures.    And feel free to come along for the ride, figuratively and literally.  Because what is an ultimate life without fantastic people sharing that life right along with you!

 

 

101 in 1001 days List Changes:
#3.  Changed Drive Route 66 to be with family for each and every Thanksgiving.  Moved “Drive Route 66″ to Ultimate Life List.
#4. Hike the Grand Canyon (down and back up again) was moved to the Ultimate Life List. Hike Ubehebe and Little Hebe craters (top to bottom and back again) is its replacement because we love Death Valley (and last time I went I could not finish the entire hike).
#5. Attend Burning Man was removed entirely from the list. I really have no desire to go to Burning Man. If I go at some point, great, and if not, whatever. I replaced this with go back to Texas and attend the Austin City Limits Music Festival because that is something I actually really want to do.
#12. Participate in 30 Daring Cooks/Daring Bakers challenges was removed because 95% of the recipe challenges don’t support our primal way of eating. My new #12 is to take the Primal Leap.
#13. Host one dinner party a month was updated to host one social event per month.
#14. Try a new dish – something I have not tried before – when dining out is almost impossible for me to do. I’ve tried just about every food they offer over the span of my lifetime and trying to accomplish this task was leaving me disgruntled and ruining what should have been some pretty nice dining out experiences. Try 101 new foods is my new goal.
#15. Take the Bear on a 2 mile walk five days a week and greet each person you see on the walk was – to borrow Bill and Ted’s favorite word – totally bogus. I do this anyway. A better goal – and something I’d love to do next year – is attend PrimalCon.
#21. Finish the Fauvist Media website, like walking Bear, is a total “DUH” factor goal. Now the goal of completing the 7-day Multi-Climate Complete Survivor Course… there’s a great Ultimate Life goal on my 101 list!
#24. Throw a block party was a great goal that few people in the neighborhood supported. So after getting very little positive feedback, I let that goal go and replaced it with a great goal. Each year, I’m give myself the gift of 30 days of fun. And I’m starting this particular 101 thing TODAY!!
#42. Take classes towards a Bachelor’s degree nas been replaced with take classes towards Compliance certification. Read above for why.
#50. Practice the 10 gifts everyday and demonstrate them in my ongoing communications with Drue was moved down to the “Love” area on my list. It seemed to fit better in that area. My replacement goal is to learn bad-ass knife skills in the kitchen and apply them to the art of cooking frequently. Yes, I am going to find a bad-ass knife skills class or two and get my Iron Chef down. Be scared… be very scared.
#51. Walk an average of five miles per day is another gimme goal and part of the goal for cutting down on the number of miles I drive. Work on 20 Things to Stop Doing to Others seemed like a harder and more fulfilling goal as it is not a gimme but something that will require me to pay attention to the way I communicate with and treat others.
#63. Act, karaoke or do a comedy routine on stage is a great goal for someone who wouldn’t throw up on others during the process. Make manicures, pedicures, and facials part of my ongoing monthly care is a much better goal and one I’ll enjoy immensely.
#67. Give up soda for 1001 days is not impossible but it makes me miserable, frankly. Sometimes I want a Diet Mountain Dew so badly, it drives me insane. And when I cannot have one, I drive others insane. A much more productive – and good for me – goal is to drink a cup of tea daily.
#69. I changed the “Get” in my goal of eight hours of sleep a night to “Average”. I’m a geek and an occasional insomniac. If I can average eight hours a night on a weekly or monthly basis, that is good enough for me (and for my body).
#73. Create an online gallery on Lifeinflux for my Lomo and other fun photography work was redundant (see #22). Practice the 10 gifts everyday and demonstrate them in my ongoing communications with friends and family, especially Drue belonged in the “Love” category so I moved it here.
#98. Go to Disneyland was replaced by see the calves and whales in their breeding lagoons near Cabo San Lucas because we’ve went to Disneyland after I rewrote the list in December of 2010 but before the list date so I felt like the trip should not be on the list.
#100. Eat pizza in Naples was moved to the Ultimate Life List. Go snorkeling in Bimini replaced it.